Steven Helmer Publications

Synopsis: A group of four college friends stop at a remote village while touring Ireland. When they are told about a little-known historic landmark, they accept an offer to stay the night so they can hike to see it the next day. What they don't know is the cabin they are invited to stay in is actually a cell and they are being sacrificed to a leprechaun that has terrorized the village ever since they stole its gold. Who's in it? The movie stars Dylan Postl, Stephanie Bennett , Andrew Dunbar, Melissa Roxburgh, Brendan Fletcher, Teach Grant and Garry Chalk . Review: To be honest, I had purposely avoided watching Leprechaun: Origins despite plenty of opportunities to do so. This was primarily because it was produced by World Wrestling Entertainment as a vehicle for a wrestler (Postl) whose gimmick was to play a leprechaun in the ring. That combination, frankly, sounded awful. However, the movie my wife and I originally planned to watch last night turned out to be so bad, I coul...

Synopsis: After his colleague, Dr. Karol Noymann, is killed during an atomic weapon experiment, Dr. Adam Penner resigns in protest of the weapons research. Soon after, he is visited by an alien possessing Noymann's body, warning him of an impending invasion and destruction if the humans don't surrender first. Penner's warnings are ignored and Earth soon is soon facing defeat. The planet's only hope is Penner being able to make the invisible aliens visible. Who's in it? The movie stars John Agar , Philip Tonge, Jean Byron, Robert Hutton and John Carradine . Review: I have had Invisible Invaders in my movie library for a few weeks and, since it had been a little while since I last watched a classic alien invasion film, I figured I'd give it a try this morning. Overall, it was OK but not a movie I would describe as particularly spectacular. The movie does have some good things going for it. For example, the aliens have quite a few advantages over the humans - t...

Synopsis: Charles Brady and his mother, Mary, are possibly the last of a breed of vampire-like creatures known as Sleepwalkers and are constantly on the run. After temporarily settling in the small town of Travis, Indiana, they set their sights on Tanya Robertson, a teenage virgin they hope to drain of her life energy to extend their lives but first need to avoid detection and an army of cats capable of killing them. Who's in it? The movie stars Brian Krause ,  Mädchen Amick , Alice Krige, Jim Haynie and Ron Perlman. Review: My wife and I weren't really in the mood to go out last night and while making dinner, I looked for a movie for us to watch. I had never seen Sleepwalkers , and it looked intriguing, so I figured I'd give it a try. I have a mixed history with Stephen King movies, enjoying some but not a fan of many others. Unfortunately, this movie fell into that latter category - I didn't hate it but also didn't think it was anything memorable. The premise of...

Synopsis: After an attempted retaliation from a bar fight results in them killing two members of the Russian mafia, Irish Catholic brothers Connor and Murphy MacManus receive a "calling from God" and make it their mission to wipe out all the bad guys in Boston. Their mission is both jeopardized by a willing but bumbling accomplice and a talented FBI investigator that is hot on their trail. Who's in it? The movie stars Sean Patrick Flanery , Norman Reedus , Willem Daoe , David Della Rocco and Billy Connolly. Review: After spending a good chunk of the day traveling to and from Oshkosh so our daughter could take the ACT, my wife and I were too tired to do much else yesterday evening and found a movie to watch. It had been quite a few years since we last saw The Boondock Saints , so we ended up choosing that one. It was a good decision. Since it had been so long since we last saw the film, I didn't remember a whole lot about it other than there was quite a bit of viole...

Synopsis: When they were kids, Doug McAllister and Ronald "Griff" Griffin, Jr. dreamed of making movies together. However, as adults, Griff is a struggling actor, and Doug makes wedding videos for a living while their two friends, Kenny and Claire are also facing their own mid-life rut. When Griff tells them he has obtained the rights to remake their favorite film, Anaconda , they decide to go to Brazil and do it. Things start out well, but they soon find themselves in a real-life version of the film as a giant snake stalks them and they find additional danger after stumbling upon an illegal goldmining operation. Who's in it? The movie stars Jack Black , Paul Rudd , Steve Zahn , Thandiwe Newton, Selton Mello and Daniela Melchior. Review: After watching the original Anaconda for the first time a few days ago, I decided to give 2025 reboot a shot tonight. I was, admittedly, a bit skeptical based both on the plot and it being more of a comedy. However, Jack Black usually...

Synopsis: Run by the penny-pinching headmaster Edward Crumwallis, Burleigh was a boys' preparatory school in name only, providing a below average education with an outdated curriculum, second-hand books and a staff of teachers that have lost their passion. To make matters worse, Crumwallis is a poor judge of character and chooses teenager Hilary Frome to be the new head boy despite everyone else at the school knowing Frome is evil.  After a series of mishaps ranging from ten students accidentally getting drunk to one being cut up by a razor hidden in a towel, the school is put on edge. Then the unthinkable happens, Hilary Frome is poisoned and died. Was it an accident or was it murder? Review: I have attempted to read some of Robert Barnard's books in the past and, while I didn't necessarily hate them, I also didn't find myself impressed. However, I am always willing to give authors another chance and requested School for Murder through our library last week. My opin...

Look, I'm not going to pretend it is even remotely likely to happen. However, with quarterback Aaron Rodgers still considering another season of football at the age of 42 there are reasons why a return to the Green Bay Packers would make sense for the former MVP passer. Timing is everything and, when the Packers decided to part ways with Rodgers following the 2022 season, the time was right. Rodgers was still playing at a high level, but Jordan Love was ready to take the reins and there was clear disconnect between the quarterback and the front office. Now, the timing is again right, with Love firmly entrenched as the starter but the team in need of a reliable backup quarterback after losing Malik Willis to free agency. It would be an arrangement that would benefit both sides. For the Packers, they would be getting a quarterback who, while no longer in his prime, has shown he can still play at a high enough level to win games. He is also familiar with Coach Matt LaFleur's offen...

Synopsis : A team of documentary filmmakers, led by aspiring director Terri Flores, embarks on a boat trip down the Amazon River in search of a long-lost tribe. When they come across a stranded snake hunter, Paul Serone, they offer him a lift and accept his offer to help them find the tribe. However, when one of their own gets injured and needs medical attention, Serone uses it as an opportunity to take control of the boat and force the crew to help him capture a giant, man-eating anaconda.  Who's in it? The movie stars Jennifer Lopez , Jon Voight, Ice Cube, Eric Stoltz and Owen Wilson . Review: Despite Anaconda coming out when I was still in college and the movie having a remake come out nearly 30 years later, I realized I had never seen the film in its entirety. So, when I came across it on one of my movie channels last night, I decided to finally correct that. As it turns out, this movie was considerably better than I thought it was going to be. One of the reasons I never made ...

Synopsis: Needing a break after one of her sources was murdered in front of her, investigative reporter Laura Blacklock accepts an invitation to join a cancer-stricken billionaire onboard a superyacht sailing to Norway as part of a one-of-a-kind cancer research fundraiser. Laura believes the trip, which includes many other wealthy elites, will allow her to restore her faith in humanity by writing a soft feel-good story. However, on the first night of the cruise, she witnesses the woman in the cabin next to hers go overboard, only to be told she was mistaken and there was nobody in Cabin 10. Then, when Laura digs further and finds evidence she didn't imagine the event, she finds her own life in danger. Who's in it? The movie stars Keira Knightley , Guy Pearce, David Ajala, Lisa Loven Kongsli and Gitte Witt. Review: I've had The Woman in Cabin 10 saved to my movie library for several months because, from the description, it sounded like it would be an intriguing mystery a...

Synopsis: High school senior Cal has a deceased dad, a mom he rarely sees and is constantly bullied at school by members of the football team, especially the star quarterback, Vic. The only things he has going for him as he waits until graduation and the opportunity to escape via college are his new girlfriend, Cecily, and the stray dog he adopted, Runt. When his confrontations with Vic lead to both Cecily and Runt becoming victims, it triggers a downward and violent spiral Cal may not be able to recover from. Who's in it? The movie stars Cameron Boyce, Jason Patric , Aramis Knight, Gabrielle Haugh , Cyrus Arnold , Charlie Gillespie and Brianna Hildebrand . Review: My wife decided to pick out last night's movie and ultimately settled on Runt , which was a film she saw a clip from some time ago and added to our library. I don't think the movie turned out to be what she was expecting it to be. It turned out to be, however, an intriguing albeit depressing drama. What helpe...

  My wife and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary this weekend and decided to change things up a bit by having an overnight trip out of town. As luck would have it, there was a Michael Jackson tribute concert at Ho-Chunk Gaming and Resort in Baraboo, WI so we decided to go there. We've been here before, but the last time was when they were still going through a major remodel. Unfortunately, our most recent stay wasn't as enjoyable as we were hoping. To start, for the record, yes, we did gamble at the casino and did not do very well on the slot machines. However, we also went to the casino fully expecting that as a possibility and because of that, kept to a very strict limit on what we were willing to lose. So, as far as that is concerned, it wasn't a positive nor a negative as far as my overall opinion is concerned. I'll start out with the good. The concert, which featured tribute artist Barry Dean, was better than expected. The sound quality probably could have b...

Synopsis: American newspaperman John Lawrence travels to a remote village in Scotland where Professor Elliott and his assistant, Dr. Mears, are using a telescope to study the newly discovered Planet X. When the professor's daughter, Enid, discovers an alien from the planet has landed in the moors, the men attempt to communicate with the creature. However, it instead uses a ray to take of control Prof. Elliott, Mears, Enid and several villagers and forces them to help it prepare for an invasion. Who's in it? The movie stars Robert Clarke , Margaret Field, Raymond Bond, William Schallert and David Ormont. Review: I've had The Man from Planet X in my movie library for some time now but, every time I planned on watching it, I always ended up picking a different movie instead. I finally changed that this morning. Overall, I thought it was an entertaining film despite falling short in some areas. As far as the premise is concerned, I thought it was a good one. This was mostly...

Synopsis: The evil scientist Dr. Who has discovered a large deposit of Element X at the North Pole and his excavation is being financed by a rogue nation that is looking to use the element as part of its plan for world domination. When his robot replica of King Kong fails to function correctly because of the element's radiation, he instead captures the real King Kong and enslaves him. Who's in it?  The movie stars Rhodes Reason , Mie Hama, Linda Miller, Hideyo Amamoto and Akira Takarada. Review: I've been a classic Japanese monster movie fan since I was a kid and do occasionally find time to re-watch some of my favorites. This included this morning, when I came across King Kong Escapes . It had been a while since I last saw the film and didn't remember a whole lot about it, but it ended up being a good choice. And that isn't just because of the main villain's name (which sounds like the title character from Doctor Who ). One thing I liked about this movie was ...

Synopsis: With more than 1 million sunken ships, including some that are thousands of years old, the ocean floors can arguably be considered the largest museum in the world. The author makes a case for this as he discusses the various shipwrecks, including some he's visited in person, while also discussing the reasons those ships sunk in the first place. Review: I was at our local library a couple weeks ago and as is my habit, I stopped by the new book section on my way to the front desk to pick up the books I had on hold. The Great Museum of the Sea caught my eye mostly because of my recent visit to the Wisconsin Maritime Museum and I decided to check it out. Overall, I have to say it was a good choice. I think the thing I liked most about this book is how the author didn't just discuss shipwrecks and instead put those shipwrecks in the context of human history. This includes plenty of examples of how human greed resulted in lost ships and lives, including quite a few that...

Synopsis: After barely surviving a brutal attack by three masked strangers that left her boyfriend, Ryan, dead, Maya wakes up in a hospital. With the local sheriff brushing off her story and the hospital staff reluctant to answer her questions, Maya, with the help of her friends, arranges to be transported to another hospital further away. However, the assailants, learning she is alive, strike first, forcing her to flee into the woods wearing just a hospital gown and with no idea if there is anyone she can trust. Who's in it? The movie stars  Madelaine Petsch , Gabriel Basso, Ema Horvath, Brooke Lena Johnson and Richard Brake. Review: My wife and I were pleasantly surprised by The Strangers: Chapter 1 this weekend so, after spending the day digging out from a blizzard and too tired to do much else as a result, we ended up watching The Strangers: Chapter 2 yesterday evening. Overall, I will say I was happy with that choice. I'm not going to lie; there were plenty of times w...

Synopsis: While driving to a job interview in Portland, Maya and her boyfriend Ryan stop in Venus, Oregon for lunch. When their car doesn't start, Ryan is suspicious of the local mechanic, but Maya accepts an offer to rent a remote cabin for the night. This proves to be a mistake as she and Ryan soon find themselves being terrorized by a group of three masked strangers. Who's in it? The movie stars Madelaine Petsch , Froy Gutierrez, Ben Cartwright, Matus Lajcak and Olivia Kreutzova. Review: My wife and I are caught up on all the seasons of The Traitors (though we did wind up watching an episode of the UK version) so, since we were expecting bad weather last night, we ended up picking out a horror movie to watch. I wasn't completely sure what to expect from The Strangers: Chapter 1 but was familiar with Madelaine Petsch from her time on Riverdale and decided to give it a try. Overall, it turned out to be a solid slasher movie. I'll start out by saying the film is f...

  I went to the store early this morning, before it got crowded with people who were stocking up before the winter weather hits later. Since I was there, I figured I'd pick up something easy for breakfast. I saw Dutch Farms Breakfast Bowls for less than $3 each and, figuring it was a low enough price, decided to give the Meat Lovers variety a try. Overall, I have to say it was OK. To be honest, it wasn't anything overly special, at least when compared to the other breakfast bowls that are out there. However, that was one of the things that I thought was a bonus because while it wasn't anything that stood out, it also wasn't anything that was noticeably lower quality either. I have had that with other cheaper brands in the past, buying one that promised plenty of protein from meat and egg only to be mostly potatoes. That wasn't a problem with this bowl, which had plenty of the two.  Taste wise, I thought it also was good. The breakfast sausage wasn't spicy but ha...

After a couple weeks' worth of binge watching, we are finally caught up on all four seasons of The Traitors. Here are my thoughts about this past season: I still am not a fan of the contestants all being celebrities.  There are two reasons for this. One of them is there are times when it seems a bit too scripted - whether it's the eloquent speeches they give when they are banished (or believe they are going to be murdered) or their personalities seem a bit character-like, especially Michael Rapaport, who felt more like he was auditioning for a movie role than competing in a contest. The biggest part of it though is how familiarity with the various contestants makes some of the Traitor reveals way too easy. Real Housewives alum Lisa Rinna, for example, was outed because she wasn't acting "housewife enough" which, in turn, led to Candiace Dillard Bassett being banished the next night. Having random people with maybe a small mix of celebrities would correct this. I l...

Synopsis: The Enterprise discovers a human outpost has been completely obliterated and, after a short fight with the lizard-like Gorn, pursue the alien ship in an attempt to destroy it. However, another alien race, the Metrons, intervene by disabling both ships and sending both Kirk (William Shatner) and the Gorn captain to a deserted planet so they can fight each other in hand-to-hand combat. My thoughts:  While there are some who insist James Kirk ( William Shatner ) is a great captain, this episode seems to contradict that. His decision to pursue the Gorn ship even though he was outgunned and the end result would likely cost him the Enterprise and the lives of his crew. There is brave and then there's just stupid. And yes, I know he was trying to delay an invasion. They were, however, deep into space, giving them time for a strategic retreat and an opportunity to come up with a better game plan. It was probably Shatner's famous overacting, but Kirk even seemed a bit insan...

Synopsis: After regularly losing to professional wrestling in the ratings, television executive Tom Brell creates a no-holds-barred tough guy competition. When his attempts to court the heavyweight champion, Rip Thomas fail, Brell resorts to extreme measures to force Rip to face his tough guy champion, Zeus and ultimately succeeds when Rip's younger brother, Randy is injured while attempting to fight Zeus himself. Who's in it? The movie stars Hulk Hogan , Kurt Fuller , Tom Lister Jr., Joan Severance and Mark Pellegrino. Review: I first/last watched No Holds Barred when I was a teenager and, while I couldn't remember a whole lot about the film, I did remember a lot of the promotional things that went with it, including Hulk Hogan facing Zeus (Lister) in a WWF (now WWE) tag team match. As an adult, those memories seem a bit goofy today. However, after re-watching the movie this morning, I honestly thought it was better than i was expecting. Hogan is, without a doubt, the ...

 What is this crap Falling from the sky? It was almost 70 on Monday Now I'm being pelted with white flakes and need a reason why. Isn't Old Man Winter  Content with taking an early break? Spring is just days away And I have fun plans at stake. Look, this crap may have been majestic Earlier in the winter. Seeing it now, with the grass already turning green Is as painful as a jagged splinter. I'm not saying I wasn't expecting it There's a reason why my shovel and blower are still at the ready. But it doesn't mean this crap needs to fall down And, from the looks of it, it's falling down steady. It's the kind of thing that has me craving a warmer climate. Before long, I might even pull out a map. In the meantime, however, What is this crap? ______________________________________________________________________ If you liked this, check out one of my poetry books:

Synopsis: Six years after a performance at a child's birthday party leaves him tormented by the kids and ultimately dead, Stitches the Clown returns from the grave to seek his revenge. Who's in it? The movie stars Ross Noble, Tommy Knight, Roisin Barrons, Gemma-Leah Devereux and Tommy Cullen. Review: I'm not exactly sure what compelled me to watch the movie Stitches this morning. While I'm not opposed to watching a movie that features an undead killer clown, I'm always more than a little skeptical because films like that almost always end up being silly rather than scary. However, it was readily available, and I didn't want to spend a lot of time choosing an alternative, so I gave it a shot. In the end, it was better than I was expecting but also nothing I'd consider anywhere close to being a great film. As I had suspected and mentioned, the movie did end up falling more into the silly category than scary. There was plenty of blood and gore but some of t...

My wife and I just finished watching the third season of The Traitors . With just one more to go (at least until there's another one), here are my thoughts: This season had a very bad group of Traitors. I mean, wow, they were partnered for what, a few hours, maybe a day, before they started backstabbing each other. Bob the Drag Queen (Christopher Caldwell) was flat out outed by fellow traitor Boston Rob (Mariano). Carolyn Wiger and Danielle Reyes painted targets on each other's backs while late recruit Britney Haynes all but confessed to being one with her reaction to Danielle being banished. It was like none of them wanted to win. Oh, and could they have been any louder during the coffin episode? Forcing the Traitors to commit one murder (or, in this case, a murder short-list) in plain sight is an intriguing twist to the show but in this case, it really felt as though they all should have been outed. There had to be a more intelligent way to pick three names than all of them d...

Synopsis: Twenty-five years after being defeated by a now-deceased Tory Redding, the Leprechaun is reborn. As he seeks out his gold, he discovers the North Dakota farm he once terrorized now belongs to an eco-conscious sorority and one of the sorority members is Tory's daughter, Lila, who believed her mother's stories about the Leprechaun were just the ravings of someone who was mentally ill. Who's in it? The movie stars Linden Porco, Taylor Spreitler, Pepi Sonuga, Sai Bennett and Emilie Reid. Review: My wife and I decided to spend another Saturday night at home and, instead of going out, ordered a pizza, took a break from binge-watching The Traitors and found a movie to watch. After some consideration, I picked Leprechaun Returns . I made this choice with some reluctance. While we both liked Leprechaun , most of the sequels were just terrible and I had some serious doubts about yet another film that didn't even star Warwick Davis as the title character. However, thi...