Steven Helmer Publications

Here are some random thoughts I had after re-watching Star Wars for what was probably the thousandth time: What was the point of lying to Luke? I get keeping secrets when Luke ( Mark Hamill ) was a child but a warning about who his father was would have had him much better prepared and at very least, would have helped him understand why his Uncle Owen (Phil Brown) was so reluctant to let him leave. Are runaway droids a problem on Tatooine? The Jawa's main source of income comes from re-selling unclaimed droids which is only a good business model if there are a lot of them just wandering the desert. Not to mention the decision to put restraining bolts on them to keep them under control. Are they sentient enough to realize they are being used as slaves and seek freedom at every opportunity? Overall, Princess Leia takes the destruction of her home planet and the loss of her family surprisingly well. Did Leia ( Carrie Fisher ) even take the time to mourn them after the Death Star was ...

Synopsis: After growing tired of the constant sexual harassment from her boss, Karen Walker quits her job at a cat food factory and tries out for the Avengers roller derby team. She earns a spot and because of her showmanship, quickly becomes the star. However, her quick rise and independent attitude don't sit well with her veteran teammates, and she soon finds herself losing some of the spotlight to a newly signed skater. Who's in it? The movie stars Claudia Jennings, Betty Anne Rees, Roberta Collins, Louis Quinn and Alan Vint. Review: I started watching another movie this morning but, while I didn't necessarily hate it and do still want to watch it, just didn't feel it. So, I turned it off and looked for another film and finally decided to watch The Unholy Rollers, which I had saved for some time. The film proved to be better than expected, though also not quite what I thought it would be. I'll start out by saying, for a movie about the roller derby, there is a ...

Synopsis: A fashion model decides she wants to live on her own and moves into an old apartment building filled with eccentric neighbors. Shortly after moving in, she discovers her neighbors aren't what they seem and sinister supernatural forces might be at work. As she begins to show signs of illness from the stress, it is up to her boyfriend to find a way to save her. Who's in it?  The movie stars Chris Sarandon , Cristina Raines, Eli Wallach , John Carradine , Ava Gardner , Burgess Meredith and Christopher Walken .  You can read my review here:  Movie Review: The Sentinel (1977) ______________________________________________________________________ Here are some reviews of other movies from the 1970s: Movie Review: Tentacles (1977) Movie Review: The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) Movie Review: The Car (1977) Movie Review: Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo (1977)

Synopsis: After discovering the frozen remains of what he believes to be the missing link, Sir Alexander Saxton transports his discovery onboard the Trans-Siberian Express, drawing curiosity from his rival and fellow passenger Doctor Wells. The men soon learn Saxton's find is both not dead and able to use its glowing eyes to kill people by stealing their memories, forcing them to team up to stop it. Who's in it? The movie stars Christopher Lee , Peter Cushing , Telly Savalas , Silvia Tortosa, Alberto de Mendoza and Julio Peña. Review: My wife and I had talked about going out last night, but we (mostly her) decided it was too cold and ended up staying home and watching a movie instead. Sticking with the train-based horror theme I started the night before with Terror Train , we ended up watching Horror Express . Unfortunately, while I had relatively high hopes for this movie because of the Lee/Cushing pairing, it was a bit of a disappointment. The movie's premise wasn'...

Synopsis: Richie Bridgestone and his divorced father, Robert, spend a father/son weekend at their secluded mountain cabin. While taking a moonlight stroll, they are attacked by a werewolf. Robert manages to kill the creature but is bitten and, the next time they go to their cabin, turns into a werewolf himself. Richie witnesses this but nobody believes him. Who's in it? The movie stars Kerwin Mathews , Scott Sealey, Elaine Devry , Robert J. Wilke and George Gaynes. Review: It had been nearly a decade since I last watched The Boy Who Cried Werewolf and, when I came across it this morning, I figured I'd give it another try. I had hoped rewatching the film would change my overall opinion of it. Unfortunately, it didn't. I still think it is a bad movie. Actually, let me put this a different way. I think the movie is hilarious at times. The problem with that is it is a film that isn't supposed to be, at least not intentionally. First, paraphrasing something my daughter s...

Synopsis: After being raised in poverty by the Black family that adopted him as a baby, the slow-witted Navin Johnson leaves home and tries to make something of himself. After working at a gas station then for a carnival, a chance meeting and clever invention suddenly give Navin everything he wants, plenty of money and the love of his wife, Marie. However, he soon learns his dream life is about to be ripped away from him. Who's in it? The movie stars Steve Martin , Bernadette Peters, Catlin Adams, M. Emmet Walsh and Bill Macy. Review: I hadn't seen The Jerk since I was a kid and, realizing I didn't remember anything about it, I decided to take the time to watch the movie earlier today. Strangely enough, while I normally enjoy Steve Martin movies, this one left me with a mixed opinion. Martin is, as expected, funny throughout, playing Navin in a way that makes him likeable but at the same time, causing you to roll your eyes because of how stupid he is. The performance m...

Synopsis: Rich miser Ebenezer Scrooge hates Christmas and his fellow man. On the night of Christmas Eve, he is visited by the ghost of his dead business partner, Jacob Marley, who warns Scrooge of three spirits that will visit him during the night in an attempt to convince him to change his ways before it is too late. Who's in it? The movie stars Albert Finney , Alec Guinness , Kenneth More and Edith Evans. Review: I wasn’t really planning on watching any Christmas movies yesterday afternoon. However, I couldn’t find anything good on TV and, since it had been a long while since I saw Scrooge , I decided to give it a chance. For the most part, I didn't regret that decision. In all honesty, as a musical, this movie does lack a little something. The songs just weren’t that catchy and made the movie drag on a bit more than I normally prefer. In fact, I don’t think they added a whole lot to the film in general and it probably would have been slightly better had the writers just ...

Synopsis: On the night of her high school graduation, June's beloved Uncle Joe has a mild heart attack. With him laid up, she convinces her girlfriends to help her run his struggling gas station. With their scantily clad bodies bringing in enough business to higher more of their classmates and even members of a local gang to open a service station and operate a tow truck, they become an overnight success. However, Mr. Friendly, the owner of the much-larger gas station across the street, is determined to see them fail. Who's in it? The movie stars Kirsten Baker, Linda Lawrence, Sandy Johnson, Rikki Marin, Leslie King and Huntz Hall . Review: I came across Gas Pump Girls a few days ago and while it wasn't a movie I would normally put on my list, I saw my favorite Bowery Boy, Huntz Hall, had a role in it and that alone made me curious enough to give it a try. I watched it this morning and it exceeded my expectations. The movie had pretty much what I thought I'd see in a...

Synopsis: When a meteorite crashes in rural Wisconsin, it opens a door to another dimension. Soon after, local residents are terrorized by giant, man-eating spiders. Their only hope is closing the dimensional door to prevent even more monsters from escaping. Who's in it? The movie stars Steve Brodie , Barbara Hale, Alan Hale, Jr ., Robert Easton, Diane Lee Hart and Kevin Brodie. Review: It had been a long while since I last watched The Giant Spider Invasion so, when I came across it on Amazon Prime and realized it too was celebrating its 50th birthday, I made sure to add it to my list. My wife and I watched it today and it was about as I remembered it. The special effects were about what you would expect to see from a movie in this genre made in the 1970s. While there were some very creepy moments involving the smaller spiders (and a few gross ones too), the giant ones were a bit on the ridiculous side. However, the movie's dialog, especially from the sheriff (Hale, Jr.) ma...

Synopsis: A British scientist, Dr. Abner Perry, and American financier David Innes build a drilling machine in Victorian times and use their "Iron Mole" to explore underneath the Earth's crust. To their surprise, they end up in an underground prehistoric land with strange, deadly beasts and a human population that is enslaved by the ape-like Sagoths, which are under the telepathic control of the Mahars, a species of pterosaurs. After being captured with the rest of the humans, David falls in love with a princess, Dia, and goes to her rescue when she is chosen as a sacrifice. Who's in it? The movie stars Peter Cushing , Doug McClure, Caroline Munro, Godfrey James and Cy Grant. Review: I came across At the Earth's Core last night, while looking for a movie to watch this morning. While it is a premise that has been done many times before (and after), I saw it started Peter Cushing and figured I'd give it a try as a result.  The movie certainly turned out to ...

Synopsis: A group of college students discover a living troglodyte living in a newly discovered cave in Britain and are immediately attacked, leaving one dead. Anthropologist Dr. Brockton manages to capture the missing link and brings it back to her lab for study. However, her research is met with opposition from many of the townspeople, who view the creature as a monster. Any progress Brockton made toward dispelling that opinion is then lost when a local businessman releases Trog in the hopes it will be killed, only to have the creature go on its own killing spree before abducting a child. Who's in it? The movie stars Joan Crawford , Michael Gough, Bernard Kay, Joe Cornelius and Kim Braden. Review: My search for a monster movie resulted in me considering Trog multiple times, only to decide to watch a movie from a different genre instead. I finally decided to give it a try this morning and it turned out to pretty much confirm the doubts I had about it. To be fair, this movie wa...

Synopsis: Dockworker B. J. Hammer is fired from his job after getting into a fight and soon after, is recruited by a local crime boss who wants to sponsor him as a professional boxer. Hammer quickly rises through the ranks but then learns he is expected to throw a fight. If he refuses, his girlfriend, Lois, will pay with her life. Who's in it? The movie stars Fred Williamson, Bernie Hamilton, Vonetta McGee, Charles Lampkin and Elizabeth Harding. Review: I came across Hammer on ScreenPix this morning and, while I'm not usually into blaxploitation films, the plot sounded intriguing enough to give it a try. After watching it, I can say it was a good choice but fell short of being a great one. I'll start out with the positives. For one, Hammer (Williamson) is an intriguing character and I'm a little surprised this didn't become a film franchise as a result. He had a good mix of toughness and intelligence, making it clear he didn't trust the crime boss, Big Sid (...

Synopsis: A once-struggling magician, Charles "Corky" Williams, finds success after adding a risqué-talking ventriloquist dummy, Fats, to his act. Just as he is about to get his best break ever, a television series, Corky sabotages the deal by refusing to take a physical and instead flees the city to his hometown in the Catskills, renting a cabin from his high school crush, Peggy. Despite Peggy being married, they end up having an affair and she seems ready to leave her husband for him. However, it soon becomes apparent Fats is more than just a prop for Corky's act and is instead a manifestation of a second, domineering and sometimes violent personality. Who's in it? The movie stars Anthony Hopkins , Ann-Margaret , Burgess Meredith , Ed Lauter and David Ogden Stiers . Review: I remember first seeing the film Magic on display at a video rental store (remember those?). However, despite the movie being out for nearly 30 years, I never took the time to watch the film ...

Synopsis: Actor Paul Toombes is hosting a New Year's party in celebration of his fifth movie starring as masked serial killer Dr. Death when his new bride, Ellen, is decapitated by someone wearing Toombes' Dr. Death costume. Twelve years later, Toombes' career has been left in shambles by the murder, which many believe he committed, and a stay in a mental hospital but is being given a second chance in London thanks to his friend, Herbert Flay, who wants to bring back Dr. Death as part of a television series. Soon after arriving, however, multiple people are murdered and Toombes once again becomes a suspect. Who's in it? The movie stars Vincent Price , Peter Cushing , Robert Quarry , Adrienne Corri and Linda Hayden. Review: I've had Madhouse in my movie library since last year but never took the time to watch it until finally doing so this morning. After seeing it for the first time, I am sad to say it was a bit of a disappointment for me. I'll start out by ...

Synopsis: Author Ben Mears returns to his hometown to write a book about a house from his childhood he believes to be haunted and evil. While there, a mysterious plague begins to infect residents, and he soon realizes everyone is being turned into vampires. Who's in it? The movie stars David Soul , James Mason , Bonnie Bedelia , Julie Cobb and Elisha Cook, Jr. Review: I remember seeing Salem's Lot when I was just four years old, and it was a television mini-series (we had four channels to choose from back then) and didn't remember much about it. I noticed they remade it recently and decided to re-watch the original before seeing the newer version. After doing so, my opinion of the film was mixed. Movies based on Stephen King books tend to be hit-or-miss for me. Some of them are decent while others were probably better in print. This movie, or at least this version of it, probably falls in the latter category. I'll start out by saying the vampire part of the movie wa...

Synopsis: A college student, Amanda, accepts a babysitting job from a new family in town. The parents seem friendly but the mother, Helen, seems a bit elusive whenever Amanda asks questions. Once she is left alone in the house, however, Amanda discovers the truth, the man Helen lives with isn't her real husband. Instead, her real husband and the child's father, Brian, has been institutionalized, has escaped and is now trying to get inside the house. Who's in it? The movie stars Honor Blackman , Susan George , George Cole , Ian Bannen and Tara Collinson. Review: I came across Fright while scrolling through movies on Amazon Prime yesterday. While it sounded similar to plenty of other horror movies/thrillers I've seen, I figured I'd give it a try this morning since I had some extra time before needing to head into the office. While I don't think it was the best movie I've seen from this genre, it ended up being OK. The movie does a decent job building up th...

Synopsis: Disgraced former professional quarterback Paul “Wrecking” Crewe is sentenced to 18 months in prison. The prison’s football-crazed warden convinces Crewe to form a team made up of prisoners so his semi-professional guard team can play an exhibition game against them in preparation for their upcoming season. However, when he realizes Crewe’s team may actually be better than the guards’ team, the warden puts pressure on Crewe to throw the game. Who's in it?  The movie stars Burt Reynolds , Eddie Albert , Ed Lauter , James Hampton , Harry Caesar , Charles Tyner , Bernadette Peters and Ray Nitschke . You can read my review of The Longest Yard here:  Movie Review: The Longest Yard (1974) (wizzley.com)

Synopsis: While trying to catch up to Woody, who had been walking through the California desert in search of air for a spare tire, a group of friends have car troubles outside Slausen's Lost Oasis, a tourist trap featuring a museum of mannequins that is no longer in business because of a recently built highway. The owner of the closed business, Mr. Slausen, offers to help the group but they soon find themselves under attack by a man dressed as various mannequins. Who's in it? The movie stars Chuck Connors , Jocelyn Jones , Tanya Roberts , Robin Sherwood and Jon Van Ness. Review: My wife was busy making a wedding dress for a friend most of the day yesterday but took a break from it with enough time for us to watch a movie. I came across Tourist Trap a couple days ago on Amazon Prime and since I'm familiar with both Chuck Connors and Tanya Roberts, decided to watch it. Overall, I thought it was a decent choice. I think my wife described this movie best by saying it is a ...

Synopsis: The daughter of a British prison governor returns from an American finishing school with plans to live with her father on the prison grounds. The attractive young woman, Angela, is promiscuous and immediately begins to tease the inmates and guards and continues to do so even after one of the inmates attempts to rape her. Who's in it? The movie stars Alexandra Hay , Sandor Eles , Harry Baird , Neil Hallett and Tracy Reed . Review: I came across this film on Epix some time ago and debated whether or not I wanted to take the time to watch it. Even though I correctly suspected it would turn out to be a 1970s sexploitation film, the plot sounded somewhat interesting and, ultimately, I decided to give it a chance. As it turns out, the movie did exceed my expectations. As I was kind of expecting when I started watching it, this is the type of movie that might have been somewhat scandalous when it first came out in the 1970s but, by today's standards, would be considered ...

Synopsis: In 1944, Capt. Beau Carter is given the task of taking and holding a German-occupied bridge. The important mission is made more difficult when the racist Carter learns he will need to rely on an all-black squad that has never seen combat. Who's in it? The movie stars Stephen Boyd , Robert Hooks , Billy Dee Williams , Richard Pryor and Roosevelt Grier . Review: I came across this movie on Epix under the title The Black Brigade . Even though I wasn't overly interested in a war movie, I saw the film had quite a few recognizable names and decided to give it a try. Unfortunately, it wasn't as good as I was hoping it would be. While the premise was an intriguing one, I felt like the movie failed to fully capitalize on what it was trying to do. Ultimately, it ended up being an OK film but not one that I would describe as particularly memorable. One of my biggest complaints about this movie was, for a war picture, it really didn't have a whole lot of action. In fa...