Steven Helmer Publications

  Image courtesy Pixabay He came in through the chimney, As he does every Christmas Eve. He carried a bag over his shoulder With more presents in it than you could believe. Santa was delivering his gifts For Violet and Rose. And, as he entered their living room He smiled as the smell of fresh cookies and milk entered his nose. His joyful spirit, And the goodwill he felt, Soon turned into surprised despair From the pain that filled his foot with a jolt. Who would have known With his boots so thick A single building block left on the floor Would still hurt like heck? As his eyes filled up with tears, He tried not to shout out loud. There was a family sleeping nearby  And loud noises simply were not allowed. As he hopped around though Santa slipped on a toy car and crashed into the tree. He then fell to the floor with a thud And skinned up his knee. He sat there stunned, Hoping he didn't wake the girls from their winter nap. And, as he scanned the dark room He realized he was tra...

 It's going to be another ramen noodle night The kids will just have to deal. There's way too much going on right now And I don't have time to make a family meal. I know this isn't like you see with the families on TV June and Ward always had dinner waiting for Wally and the Beav. My wife and I, on the other hand, Are lucky if we can find a few minutes to breathe.  I'm sure there are other parents who would look down on me And say this isn't the healthy meal my kids deserve. But they have school in the morning and, if they want to get to bed before late This is what they are going to get served. Sure, I know it's not the healthiest choice However, that's OK. I'll just give them a glass of milk to go with And try to make up for it another day. Image courtesy of Pixabay I know I'm supposed to put the kids at the table For breakfast, lunch, dinner and other. But our table is once again So full of clutter. Yes, I could grab the garbage can and get st...

 Look at you wearing that old-fashioned hockey mask Holding a butcher knife or machete with eyes full of rage. You may think you’re terrifying But I have survived a pre-teen girl who went on a rampage. So why don’t you once again focus on teenagers Because if you think you’re going to scare me, don’t even bother. You might be scary to most people. I on the other hand, am raising daughters. Raising your voice in anger or growling like a wild animal Might make you seem tough. But I spend my days walking on eggshells Because you never know what will set these girls off. Yeah, one moment they may act all sweet and innocent And even love their dad. Just look at them wrong, however And, boy, do they get mad. Image Courtesy of Pixabay Also, let’s not forget the various landmines throughout the house Whether they are naked Barbies, other toys or pieces of board games. I really hate to say this, But they would make a hunter like Predator envious and put it to shame. Not to mention the glitt...

When did my kids Stop eating like birds? They are already asking me for seconds And I haven't even had my firsts. How did they even eat their food so fast? Seriously, I haven't got a clue. They had to inhale it like a vacuum Because there's no way they had time to chew. Image courtesy of Pixabay Our storage containers are empty and collecting dust. Seeing them going unused makes me a bit blue. I mean, come on now, I already had to pay for dinner. Are you telling me I also have to buy lunch too? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my kids aren't starving. I'm proud of the fact I'm keeping them well-fed and safe. It's just, sometimes I wonder If maybe I'm raising miniature versions of Henry the Eighth. Honestly, I don't mind that they eat. I just wish they'd save at least some of it for later. Is it really that much to ask To have a few more leftovers in our refrigerator?

Dad walked around the corner And was frustrated by the sight Of Little Rose and Little Violet Once again, leaving on their bedroom lights. "What's this?" He asked them. "Do you think I own the electric company?" He spoke. "Why sure you do, daddy," Little Rose and Little Violet joked. Throughout the day, Dad turned off lights The bedrooms, the hallway, the bathroom, it was all the same. Little Rose and Little Violet left the lights on. As though, to them, it was some sort of game. That's when it happened. Some people say Dad went insane. Because, how else could you explain The crazy idea that slipped into his brain? He grabbed a box And began to remove every bulb in the house. Not a single room or closet was spared. Not even that crawl space where they once saw a mouse. Image courtesy of Pixabay When he was done He put that box on a high shelf. And, as he walked around his dark house, He couldn't feel any...