Steven Helmer Publications

Image by Christian_Crowd from Pixabay I sneak up on my next victim He (or is it she?) doesn't know I'm there. To some, the item I am holding is just a fly swatter. In my hands, however, it is a weapon with no mercy to spare. I hesitate only briefly. Just to make sure I am unseen. Then with a flick of my wrist, my victim is dead. I probably just imagined it, but I think it let out a little scream. It wasn't my first kill. It won't be my last. My victim's friends are flying around in a panic. They'll soon forget and more will meet the same fate, fast. My daughter tells me not to be so mean. I am choosing to ignore her advice. If they want to stay safe, they should stay outside. Once they trespass inside my home, they will pay a price. There are people who say they want to be a fly on the wall. Perhaps they'd feel differently if they saw the fate my flies were dealt. My message is clear, if you choose to land on a wall in MY house, You probably will be another...

 I'm trying to read an Agatha Christie mystery When my phone rings. It's pre-recorded message from a candidate Telling me what a vote for them will bring. It's only a matter of time before my mailbox Is filled with enough flyers to kill a forest full of trees. I guess it's getting to be that time again, The time when I become Mr. Popularity. I'm not the kind of guy who keeps his mouth shut. If I see something I don't like, I am quick to be argumentative. To date, I've written plenty but never received a reply. I guess I'm just not important enough to hear back from my representative. Things have changed though. I now hear from them with regularity. They care about me, at least for now, because they need my vote. Making me Mr. Popularity. _________________________________________________________________ Here are some of my other poems: The Night the Wisconsin Badger Tapped Out (A Poem) A Cat Dad (A Poem) Where the F*ck is My Phone? (A Poem) In the Way (A ...

 I am in the grocery store  Shopping for a family of four. It may just be my imagination,  But I felt poorer just walking through the door. My kids are texting me "what's for dinner?" They also have suggestions galore. I tell them we're having the same thing we have every night. Whatever I can afford. Image by Patrick Pascal Schauß from Pixabay Summer is around the corner And my vacation fund looks inadequate. I scrimped and saved every nickel I could, But with rising gas prices, it's always not enough yet. Maybe I'll have another staycation. Or settling for a day trip if the drive isn't too far. One thing is for certain, My vacation will be whatever I can afford. _______________________________________________________________________ If you liked this, you may like some of these: The Windows Are Open (A Poem) In the Way (A Poem) Where the F*ck is My Phone? (A Poem) Hard Road (A Poem)

 A dog is out there barking. Who the heck is already mowing their lawn? Do you really need to blare that horn? I'm sure they'll be out in a minute, for your planned liaison. It's warmed back up outside. Enough for me to take advantage. The windows are open, people. Please be quiet, if you can manage. Hey, your car has an engine, that's great. It doesn't mean you need to rev it. And why are you shouting at each other. You're two feet away, turn the volume down, dammit. I am sure you love that music you're blaring. Probably some top artist. But the windows are open, jerks. Please cease and desist. _________________________________________________________________________ Feel free to read some of my other poems: In the Way (A Poem) Like an Egg (A Poem) Drive at Night (A Poem) Missing the Sun (A Poem)

 It's payday today. Most of that check is already spent. Sometimes it leaves my account so fast,  I wonder just where it went. I wish I could have just spent it on the things I enjoy. Use it on something I want or just on a day of play. It's just wishful thinking though Because I have bills to pay. Where did it all go wrong? How did I become such a dolt? I could be enjoying life to its fullest. Instead, I am a responsible adult. People are always saying to me "Unwind a bit, come out and have some fun." Sure, that would be great But it's easier said than done. They're probably having a blast, A time that is fine. I, however, was up early for work today. I'll be lucky if I stay awake until nine. I'm sure they'll talk about me behind my back And throw in the occasional insult. There's not much I can do about it though, Because I'm a responsible adult. My last doctor appointment didn't go so great My blood pressure is high, and so is my str...

  When it comes to Mountain Dew I can't start my day without one. And I can't stop myself from biting my nails Until they are gone. If it's not good for me, I apparently need to have it. So, why is it so hard for me To form a sleep habit. Image courtesy of Canva Late to bed And early to rise, Means I spend most of my days Fighting sleep-deprived eyes. It's no insomnia I don't need some sort of a tablet. I just need to find a way To form a sleep habit. Maybe I just need A little less TV at night. Cut back on the caffeine Or stop letting the news give me a daily fright. Maybe all I need  Is to improve my relationship with my bed. Tuck myself under the warm covers And attempt to form a sleep habit instead. ______________________________________________________ Here are some of my other poems: Drawing a Blank (A Poem) In the Way (A Poem) Hard Road (A Poem) Drive at Night (A Poem)

  Some days I'm frazzled. It's just hard to keep a cool head. The news, the bills, the stress Leave me feeling dizzy and my eyes seeing red. It's just so much at once. Including figuring out who told the truth and who lied. Just like an egg It leaves my brain feeling fried. I try to plan things carefully. Put the pieces of my life together, like ingredients in a recipe. Only to have it fall apart so quickly With no time for self-pity. Image courtesy of Pixabay It's no different than making an omelet Only to have using a spatula to flip it turn into a great gamble. There's a chance it'll turn out just fine And an equal chance I'll just need to settle for scrambled. The weight on my shoulders continues to get heavy. Overwhelming expectations cutting into me like a shiv. Somedays all I can do is put my head down and try to breath Because I feel like something is about to give. The pressure continues to build The need to be a good father, good husband and a good...

  Image by  Gerd Altmann  from  Pixabay We sit on the toilet With our phone in our hands. Laughing at memes And giving the fake news a scan. Decades’ worth of research and discovery Disputed in one headline Based on rumors, Along with a whole lot of lies. We repeat information given to us, Like parrots with no real facts. Creating a world full of misinformation That distracts and causes people to overreact. There’s no use in trying to debunk it Very few people care about the truth. Forget about documentation and science. It only matters if it fits perfectly in our own personal little booth. We have all the information in the world at our fingertips, Yet live in chaos, confusion and fretfulness. This is because instead common sense We rely on our artificial intelligence.  _____________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this poem, here are some others: A Father's Prayer for His Daught...

  Image courtesy of Pixabay If you aren’t paying my bills Please don’t tell me your opinion Of how I’m living my life. You don’t have a say in it. I’m not your minion. If you aren’t paying my mortgage Then I don’t care if you think my house is a mess. It’s not here for display or for your approval. It’s a home that is lived in and therefore is blessed. If you aren’t contributing to my bank account Then you have no say in how I spend my money. I can go out to eat, give it to charity Or use it to spoil my kids or my honey. If you aren’t paying my bills I don’t need you to contradict my decisions by saying “but.” Just learn to mind your own business And keep your mouth shut. _____________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this poem, here are some others: In the Way (A Poem) Dishes (A Poem) Still One More Week Until Payday (A Poem)

  How do I always take the hard road? Seriously, what’s the deal? No matter which way I choose The route always seems to be all uphill. Sometimes the journey is slow Like my legs are stuck in mud. Other times I’ll be cruising along just fine. Before slamming into an obstacle with a thud. Image courtesy of Pixabay It’s like I’m cursed in every direction. It could be north, south, east or west. Whatever road I’m on, My life often feels like it’s a mess. On second thought, maybe it isn’t me at all. Perhaps, that’s just the way things always flow. Maybe in this thing we call life, There is no such thing as an easy road. ___________________________________________________________________________________ Did you like this poem? Here are some others. On a Budget (A Poem) Swear Word Kind of Day (A Poem) There's a Hole in My Wallet (A Poem)

  Image courtesy of Pixabay I spend a good chunk of my evening Washing silverware, plates and bowls. By the next morning, The sink is once again full. What do those dishes do When we're asleep at night? Were they waiting for us to go to bed? Did they stay out of sight? Did they decide to have a party, A rave in our sink? Or are they able to multiply like rabbits? I just don't know what to think. Maybe it's a simpler explanation Perhaps it's someone just trying to be funny.  Whatever the truth is, I just wish the same thing would happen inside my wallet with my money. _________________________________________________________________________ Did you like this poem? Check out these: Hard Road (A Poem) Swear Word Kind of Day (A Poem) Grumpy Old Man (A Poem)

  Image courtesy of Pixabay Our bullies remained at school. They weren’t blowing up our phones late at night. The 24/7 news cycle didn’t yet exist Giving us a chance to process and reflect Instead of being in a constant state of media-inflicted fright. We didn’t have information at our fingertips And library card catalogs were far from convenient. However, we could trust our sources Knowing the fact checking wasn’t so lenient. We could take chances and make mistakes Without embarrassments being uploaded and immortalized. Kids could be kids Without total strangers from halfway across the globe finding a reason to criticize. Our celebrities were famous because of their accomplishments. Not just because of a goofy stunt or lack of clothes. Our heroes could remain our heroes Because not every minor indiscretion was exposed. Schools remained unlocked but were still safe And teachers could teach without worrying about politics. If someone had somethi...

There's still one more week until payday And my funds are already running low. I hate to sound cliche But where did my money go? The mortgage company, the electric company and the rest Are draining my bank account dry. I swear, if I get one more bill in the mail, I'm going to break down and cry. Like mosquitoes, they keep poking at me Trying to make me bleed. Don't these people realize I have a family of four and two cats to feed? Image courtesy of Pixabay My savings account? That's empty. That money has already been spent. My tax return? Don't make me laugh. Let's just say the government found a way to keep each and every cent. The cavalry isn't coming. They must have gotten lost. I could ask for a pay raise. But, I've already gone down THAT road with my boss. So I guess the only thing that's left to do. Is stretch my budget and suck it up when it comes to my money woes. And be grateful There'...

If stress equaled money I would be a billionaire. I would have more than enough to pay my bills And have plenty left to spare. If stress equaled money I would enjoy getting out of bed each day. I would spend my mornings watching it pile up And spend my evenings giving a chunk of it away. Image courtesy of Pixabay If stress equaled money It would be worth the lack of sleep at night. Plus, there'd be plenty of people to keep me company Since I'm sure they share my plight. If stress equaled money I'd be sure to spend it rather than try to save. Because, even if it equaled money I'm sure it would still also equal an early grave.

Where is my ship? I keep watching the horizon for it, but it's just not there. So I stand here waiting Even though I think I have more than earned my fare. Image courtesy of Pixabay Other people have had their ships arrive And are sailing to some sort of exotic resort. Yet, here I still stand watching for it On the same old broken-down port. I'm not asking for it to be a giant yacht. Just about any ship would do. Heck, at this point, I'd probably settle for a canoe. Image courtesy of Pixabay Where is my ship? Was it hijacked by pirates? Was the captain drunk? Because, at this point, I'm starting to wonder if my ship has sunk.

There's a hole in my wallet. That's the way it must be. There's just no other way to explain The disappearance of my money. The dollars and cents Certainly must be falling out. It's the simplest explanation Without a doubt. Image courtesy of Pixabay I work hard I even go in when I'm sick and weak. So, unless there's a hole in my wallet I MUST have enough money to last me more than just a couple weeks. I know there's a hole there, Even though it must be invisible. The money must be falling out somewhere That much is undeniable. Image courtesy of Pixabay There's a hole in my wallet. Did any of you see where my money went? Payday was just last week You can't tell me it's already been spent. Or maybe I'm wrong And that's not what's giving my grief. Perhaps, instead of an invisible hole. I have an invisible thief.