Steven Helmer Publications

Image by Christian_Crowd from Pixabay I sneak up on my next victim He (or is it she?) doesn't know I'm there. To some, the item I am holding is just a fly swatter. In my hands, however, it is a weapon with no mercy to spare. I hesitate only briefly. Just to make sure I am unseen. Then with a flick of my wrist, my victim is dead. I probably just imagined it, but I think it let out a little scream. It wasn't my first kill. It won't be my last. My victim's friends are flying around in a panic. They'll soon forget and more will meet the same fate, fast. My daughter tells me not to be so mean. I am choosing to ignore her advice. If they want to stay safe, they should stay outside. Once they trespass inside my home, they will pay a price. There are people who say they want to be a fly on the wall. Perhaps they'd feel differently if they saw the fate my flies were dealt. My message is clear, if you choose to land on a wall in MY house, You probably will be another...

 I'm trying to read an Agatha Christie mystery When my phone rings. It's pre-recorded message from a candidate Telling me what a vote for them will bring. It's only a matter of time before my mailbox Is filled with enough flyers to kill a forest full of trees. I guess it's getting to be that time again, The time when I become Mr. Popularity. I'm not the kind of guy who keeps his mouth shut. If I see something I don't like, I am quick to be argumentative. To date, I've written plenty but never received a reply. I guess I'm just not important enough to hear back from my representative. Things have changed though. I now hear from them with regularity. They care about me, at least for now, because they need my vote. Making me Mr. Popularity. _________________________________________________________________ Here are some of my other poems: The Night the Wisconsin Badger Tapped Out (A Poem) A Cat Dad (A Poem) Where the F*ck is My Phone? (A Poem) In the Way (A ...

 It's payday today. Most of that check is already spent. Sometimes it leaves my account so fast,  I wonder just where it went. I wish I could have just spent it on the things I enjoy. Use it on something I want or just on a day of play. It's just wishful thinking though Because I have bills to pay. Where did it all go wrong? How did I become such a dolt? I could be enjoying life to its fullest. Instead, I am a responsible adult. People are always saying to me "Unwind a bit, come out and have some fun." Sure, that would be great But it's easier said than done. They're probably having a blast, A time that is fine. I, however, was up early for work today. I'll be lucky if I stay awake until nine. I'm sure they'll talk about me behind my back And throw in the occasional insult. There's not much I can do about it though, Because I'm a responsible adult. My last doctor appointment didn't go so great My blood pressure is high, and so is my str...