Steven Helmer Publications

As someone who loves classic movies and classic television, it shouldn't be a surprise to learn I've seen every episode of Gilligan's Island at least a couple dozen times and the made-for-TV movies based on the series at least a half dozen. While I will stop short of saying I can recite the episodes word-from-word, I can recall most details from those episodes without seeing them. Anyone who knows the show also knows it was cancelled after just three seasons and less than 100 episodes, forcing it to rely on the movies, which were made more than a decade later, to bring closure. That may or may not be the reason the series/movies left quite a few unanswered questions. Here are five that have always nagged at me: Was Ginger ( Tina Louise ) psychic? I am asking this question based solely on the episode "Ship Ahoax" which features Ginger pretending to be a psychic at the Professor's ( Russell Johnson ) request to fend off island madness only to have her prediction...

Synopsis: The Enterprise discovers a human outpost has been completely obliterated and, after a short fight with the lizard-like Gorn, pursue the alien ship in an attempt to destroy it. However, another alien race, the Metrons, intervene by disabling both ships and sending both Kirk (William Shatner) and the Gorn captain to a deserted planet so they can fight each other in hand-to-hand combat. My thoughts:  While there are some who insist James Kirk ( William Shatner ) is a great captain, this episode seems to contradict that. His decision to pursue the Gorn ship even though he was outgunned and the end result would likely cost him the Enterprise and the lives of his crew. There is brave and then there's just stupid. And yes, I know he was trying to delay an invasion. They were, however, deep into space, giving them time for a strategic retreat and an opportunity to come up with a better game plan. It was probably Shatner's famous overacting, but Kirk even seemed a bit insan...

Synopsis: Always on the lookout for a good bargain, Aunt Bee ( Frances Bavier ) can't pass up an opportunity to purchase 150 pounds of beef from a discount butcher. Unfortunately for her, the meat turns out to be tough and their freezer, which she purchased at an auction, starts to malfunction. My Thoughts -  Andy ( Andy Griffith ) sure gave Bee a hard time about saving money. OK, maybe the meat purchase and the freezer purchase turned out to be bad ideas but what was wrong about her buying sugar in bulk? He's trying to feed three mouths on one income and, since we all know he's honest, he's probably not making enough where they can just throw money away.  Plus, it's not like he doesn't try to save money. He won't even buy his own car; he just takes the sheriff's car everywhere. And he seemed awfully shocked about having roast beef when they didn't have company over. Of course, both of those things being said, when is the last time Andy even shop...

Synopsis: When a crate full of moldable plastic washes up on the island, the castaways come up with a variety of uses for the substance, including fixing Gilligan's ( Bob Denver ) teeth. What they don't know is the clay becomes explosive once it hardens. My Thoughts : That scientist ( Kirk Duncan ) sure was nonchalant when holding that explosive ash tray. If I knew it could blow up the entire room if dropped, I'd definitely make sure I had two hands on it and certainly wouldn't risk handing it to someone I just met. In fact, the whole idea seems a bit impractical when you think about it. It would be different if you needed a heat source or some sort of detonator to set it off. Something that can explode just because you drop it seems like it would result in a lot of accidental secret agent deaths. Wow, the Skipper ( Alan Hale, Jr. ) sure is a snob all of a sudden. I am, of course, basing this on his complaint about Gilligan finding a crate full of clothes "reje...

Synopsis: When Ben Weaver ( Tol Avery ) reports thefts at his store, Andy ( Andy Griffith ) believes it is the work of shoplifters. Barney ( Don Knotts ) decides to take matters into his own hands by dressing up as a mannequin so he can catch the thieves in the act. My Thoughts - This episode exposes a major flaw with the way Andy runs things as sheriff. While he and Barney were sitting in the patrol car gossiping, nobody was manning the phone at the courthouse. Even though Ben was able to find them, what if they had been patrolling outside of town? And it's not as though they could justify having two people on patrol in a relatively crime-free town like Mayberry. I kind of think Ben had a point when he criticized Andy about having to do his job for him. Andy didn't seem to be taking the whole theft thing too seriously and I could understand why Ben might be upset about that, especially when Andy mentioned calling if there was anything suspicious when, moments before, Ben wa...

Synopsis: With a bad storm approaching the island, the castaways prepare to shelter in a cave. While stacking supplies, the Skipper ( Alan Hale, Jr. ) accidentally smacks Gilligan ( Bob Denver ) in the mouth and temporarily turns him into a radio receiver. This becomes important when the real radio is accidentally damaged. My Thoughts -  Given the various dangers they have encountered on the island, ranging from storms to headhunters, wouldn't it be wise to keep a couple of the caves stocked with supplies ahead of time? They got an advanced warning of the storm this time around, that isn't guaranteed. I like how the episode managed to gloss over the scientific explanation for Gilligan's condition. The Professor ( Russell Johnson ) was about to give it in detail when the Skipper cut him off. I can't think of a better way of explaining something ridiculous than "there's an explanation but I was told not to give it." Wow, they sure can get a lot of radio s...

Synopsis: The castaways find themselves under attack from an unknown assailant possessing machine guns and grenades.   My Thoughts -  This is one of those episodes where a defined chain of command would make sense. Mr. Howell ( Jim Backus ) declaring himself general ultimately was pointless but also unnecessary. There is no reason why who is in charge in a crisis should ever be up for debate, especially since they've had this debate before. The castaways sure went through a lot of effort to develop a nurse's corps and a USO performance but didn't make much of an effort to actually defend themselves from the attacker. It seems like putting up some sort of barricade and arming themselves (even with primitive weapons) would have been the best first choice. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Mrs. Howell ( Natalie Schafer )? The way she put Mr. Howell in his place after he claimed to be her superior was fantastic. I kind of feel like, had the show not kept to the traditio...

Synopsis: When an experimental robot lands on the island, the castaways try to program it to help with their rescue. However, when they are unable to get it to help even with simple chores, rescuing them seems to be even beyond its reach. My Thoughts: The Skipper ( Alan Hale, Jr. ) not believing in a lucky rabbit's foot seems a bit out of character. He has to be one of the most superstitious characters in television history but still draws the line at Gilligan's ( Bob Denver ) good luck charm? This is the same guy who quickly blamed thefts from the supply hut on voodoo. The Skipper and Professor ( Russell Johnson ) seriously did not see that robot standing there? Gilligan couldn't have walked away more than a few dozen feet in a straight line before bumping into it. I think a pair of castaways need to get their eyes checked. Gilligan at least had an excuse; his nose was buried in comic book. The Air Force sure gave up on searching for their missing robot awfully quick. ...

Synopsis: Andy ( Andy Griffith ) scores an invite to visit the exclusive Esquire Club and an excited Barney ( Don Knotts ) tags along with him with the hopes they both will be accepted as members. However, the overzealous deputy does not make a great first impression with the club's members. My Thoughts: I loved this episode's opening sequence, with Barney trying to hide the fact he was sleeping on the job and Andy doing his best to hide the fact he knew. Later in the episode, his reaction to Aunt Bee ( Frances Bavier ) tying up the phone was equally funny. Stuff like that is why this show just wasn't as good after Don Knotts left. There Andy goes neglecting his duties again. Even Floyd ( Howard McNear ) questioned who would be running the sheriff's office with both Andy and Barney out of town. I get it, Mayberry doesn't have a lot of crime, other than maybe the local town drunk needing a place to sleep things off, but that doesn't mean there couldn't be ...

Synopsis : When Barney ( Don Knotts ) is friendly with an attractive new woman ( Beverly Tyler ), Thelma Lou ( Betty Lynn ) is upset, and they get into a fight. Since Thelma Lou isn't talking to him, he decides to have dinner with the other woman and her father ( Jackie Coogan ) and is surprised when she claims they are now engaged. My Thoughts -  What does Thelma Lou see in Barney? OK, I get it, it's not like there are a whole lot of eligible bachelors around Mayberry, at least none that aren't any worse than Barney is, unless you count Andy ( Andy Griffith ). However, when has he ever shown he deserves to be in a relationship? Even before this incident, he was bragging about his side piece, Juanita, from the diner. She'd probably be better off being single. Barney criticizes the new woman for parking in the sheriff's spot but was I the only one who saw he parked in front of a hydrant? On top of not parking the car where it belonged, that seemed more than a litt...

Synopsis: When Andy ( Andy Griffith ) pulls over a woman driver ( Jean Hagan ) for doing 70 m.p.h. in a 45-m.p.h. zone, she challenges the $10 fine and his role as justice of the peace. Andy agrees to let her appeal to Mayor Pike ( Dick Elliott ) despite the jail not being equipped to house a female prisoner overnight. However, his case against her begins to fall apart as she charms his three witnesses, Barney ( Don Knotts ), Floyd ( Howard McNear ) and Opie ( Ron Howard ) into testifying on her behalf. My Thoughts: I wonder if Andy should have been investigated for misappropriation of county property . I really find it hard to believe the taxpayers are perfectly fine with him using the county's only patrol car to go fishing, especially since he had his son, his deputy, and the local barber with him. This, of course, raises another question - what would have happened if had been an emergency? All of Mayberry's law enforcement was out fishing and, at least from appearances, he...

Synopsis: When a strong storm washes up a telephone cable, the castaways see an opportunity to call for help. However, even though the Professor ( Russell Johnson ) constructs a primitive phone, they can't seem to find anyone willing to take their call. My Thoughts: I don't know a whole lot about phone cables, but doesn't it seem a bit odd one would be so close to an uncharted island that is nowhere near the shipping lanes?  I also find it hard to believe there would be enough slack in that line to for it to be washed ashore from any great distance. I'm not so sure the Ginger Grant movie would be worth buying a ticket for. I mean, had Ginger ( Tina Louise ) gotten off the island and shared her survival story, then maybe it would be worthwhile. However, without that part of the story (and Hollywood wouldn't know it), how interesting could that film really be? Maybe that's why this is the only time anyone hears about it. Speaking of her movie, the castaways sure ...

Synopsis: The castaways are on edge when the island appears to be haunted by a ghost ( Richard Kiel ). When the same ghost leaves them a boat, they don't know if it is an opportunity for them to finally get off the island or a trap. My Thoughts:  For starters, I was surprised the Skipper ( Alan Hale, Jr. ) was one of the skeptics. Yes, he fell in line with the rest of them once he also saw the "ghost," but the fact he doubted both Gilligan ( Bob Denver ) and the rest of the castaways seemed a bit out of character for him. After all, he is normally the most superstitious one in the group. Didn't anyone think to check for footprints? The agent playing the ghost was a fairly large guy and I find it hard to believe he didn't leave noticeable footprints wherever he went. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed in the Professor ( Russell Johnson ) for not thinking of that. Someone pretending to be a ghost was a lot more plausible explanation than his floating sheet theor...

Synopsis: A dispute between the Skipper ( Alan Hale, Jr. ) and Mr. Howell ( Jim Backus ) results in the castaways holding an election to name a president. Everyone is surprised when Gilligan ( Bob Denver ) wins as a write-in candidate but share the blame when the island's new government goes south from there. My Thoughts:   Why does the Professor ( Russell Johnson ) receive no love in this episode? I can understand why the castaways would be reluctant to vote for either the Skipper or Mr. Howell but the Professor seemed like a much sounder third choice than Gilligan. If anything, he seems like the person who ends up acting like the de facto leader in most of the episodes. That being said, Gilligan wasn't the problem. If anything, he was actually making quite a bit of sense as president, pushing for a new well to be dug as soon as possible to prevent the castaways from dying of thirst and, when they offered no help, doing it himself. As much credit as he gets for being the ...

Synopsis: The castaways are surprised to discover an ape man ( Denny Miller ) on the island and, fearing for the safety of the women, capture him. When they discover he is actually an actor practicing for an upcoming role as Tongo the Ape Man, they see and opportunity for rescue. However, they first must rescue him from a gorilla. My Thoughts:  Why does nobody ever believe Gilligan ( Bob Denver )? When he tells the Professor ( Russell Johnson ) and Skipper ( Alan Hale, Jr. ) about Tongo, they once again chose to believe he was making things up. Isn't this the same island that also had one real jungle boy ( Kurt Russell ), three doppelgangers and a host of other strange things? At some point, you think people would just take him at his word based on previous experiences. I'll say it again, Mrs. Howell ( Natalie Schafer ) is fierce. She's not always the most likable character on this series but she's also the one person you don't want to mess with, especially if you a...

Synopsis: A radio show contestant ( Strother Martin ) is dropped on the island with a shortwave radio. However, he refuses to call for help for the castaways because he is afraid of losing a $10,000 prize. My Thoughts: I don't want to sound like a broken record but how could a radio show drop off a contestant without noticing the island was occupied? Didn't they at least see the huts, especially since they delivered/picked him up with a helicopter? Of course, once again, this is a good reason for having a signal fire burning at all times. I think George Barkley's motivation was less about forfeiting money and more about just being lazy. I don't know how he could be disqualified for being dropped on an island that wasn't deserted (it's not like he picked it). It seemed more like he wasn't interested in earning the money honestly when he had help from seven reluctant people. The castaways are too nice. I'm not saying they needed to do anything violent, bu...

Synopsis: After a misunderstanding leads Gilligan ( Bob Denver ) to believe the Professor ( Russell Johnson ) has been murdered, the castaways decide to make the Skipper ( Alan Hale, Jr. ) sheriff and Gilligan his deputy. However, Gilligan takes his job a little too seriously and ultimately puts everyone in jail. My Thoughts: I remember the castaways having a gun but where did they get the blanks? And, if they had blanks, why didn't they use them to scare off the variety of unsavory characters that have landed on the island? I am assuming the Professor made them somehow, but it would have been nice to get some sort of official explanation. Even if Gilligan hadn't been one of the people in charge, having a sheriff still seemed like a bad idea. Maybe   the Skipper would have had a cooler head, but the castaways were still effectively letting one person make all the decisions regarding the law and issuing a sentence. There's a reason why civilized countries have a court syste...

Synopsis: When a briefcase containing government documents washes up on the island, the castaways think it might lead to their rescue. However, when they sneak a peek inside, they become concerned about their lives being in danger. My Thoughts:  The Professor ( Russell Johnson ) sure was optimistic about being rescued. A little too optimistic, in my opinion. I mean, the United States government didn't exactly bend over backwards trying to retrieve a missing robot, missing space capsule, or top-secret missile and they even knew when the last of those was. What happened to the secret agent that was carrying the briefcase? We know two things about the case. It had top secret documents and those handcuffs were impossible to open without the keys (which were still inside the case). Shouldn't have been attached to a body or at least a severed arm? This episode has one of my favorite dream sequences. It's one of the few dream sequences that doesn't have Gilligan ( Bob Denver ...

Synopsis: The castaways learn their island is ground zero for a missile test that will destroy everything within 100 miles. At first, they see it as an opportunity to be rescued but, when they fail to attract the attention of the search plane, they await their doom. My Thoughts: A lot of people seem to know about that "uncharted" island.  One of the main reasons the castaways supposedly can't be found is nobody knows the island exists. Yet the United States government apparently does and has it on their charts. They even know the island is (normally) uninhabited, indicating they've visited it before. What about the neighboring islands? We know some of those are inhabited and, based on the number of times natives have visited the castaways, are close enough to suffer from the missile blast as well. Maybe things back in the 1960s were different, but that would seem like something that would result in the test being scrubbed.  Oh, and what about the huts? They were buil...