Steven Helmer Publications

As I've said before, I rarely watch a television series until I know it is going to last more than a season. Life it too short to get invested in something that is going to get cancelled. As a result of that, we had not watched The Traitors  until very recently, when we finally got caught up on all the past seasons of Project Runway. I haven't quite finished the first season of the reality series, which features a group of contestants staying in a Scottish manor and competing to earn money while trying to figure out which three are "murdering" a contestant per night. So, please, no spoilers. However, I do have some thoughts to share: The contestants sometimes take this a bit too seriously. I'm not talking about being overly competitive. This is, after all, a game with money at stake. I do think they sometimes forget it is a game though, whether it is guilt over "murdering" a contestant, almost to the point you would think they actually died, or getting o...

Synopsis: A fracking operation near New Orleans causes a series of earthquakes that release giant, fire-breathing spiders on the city and leave residents in terror as they attempt to escape before being eaten. Who's in it? The movie stars Megan Adelle, Gralen Bryant Banks, Tracey Gold, Edward Furlong and Grant James. Review: I watch a lot of horror movies and, as part of that, have watched more than my share of bad horror films, especially those that were made for TV. However, every once in a while, I'll come across a film that is so terrible, I wind up wondering if some of my brain cells exploded from watching it. The film Arachnoquake is one of those movies. To be fair, I probably should have expected as much from the title. In my defense, however, I have seen a similar film, Lavalantula , that turned out to be surprisingly good so, based on that, I was willing to give this movie a shot this morning. Too bad the film didn't hold up its end. My biggest problem with thi...

Synopsis: Tom Canty is the son of an abusive and criminal father and has spent his whole life in poverty while Edward Tudor is the son of King Henry VIII and the prince of Wales. When the two boys cross paths and realize they look exactly alike, they switch clothes as a prank, only to have the resulting case of mistaken identity result in Edward being thrown off the palace grounds. When Tom tries to correct the situation, nobody believes him except for the Earl of Hertford, who uses the information to blackmail Tom, who is about to be crowned King of England, to do his bidding while arranging for the real Edward's murder. Who's in it? The movie stars Billy and Robert J. Mauch, Errol Flynn , Claude Rains, Barton MacLane and Alan Hale . Review: I didn't intend on watching a movie this morning because I hadn't picked one out ahead of time and only had a limited amount of time to choose. However, I happened to come across The Prince and the Pauper and figured it would ...

Synopsis: The residents of Chipping Cleghorn are amused by an announcement in the morning paper advertising a murder later that day at the Little Paddocks estate owned by Letty Blacklock and go to her house believing it is either a game or a prank. They are less amused, however, when someone turns off the lights at the advertised time and fires a revolver, striking Miss Blacklock in the ear before either accidentally or purposely killing himself. Local police, baffled by the motive, turn to Jane Marple and, with her insight, come to a terrifying conclusion. The dead man was nothing more than a ruse and one of the people closest to Miss Blacklock is trying to kill her. Review: Several years ago, I made reading all of Agatha Christie's mysteries one of my goals. However, I ended up taking a break from that after reading the first Miss Marple books and realizing I wasn't as big of a fan of her as I was of Christie's other detectives.  Since it had been a while, I decided to ...

Synopsis: Passengers and crew onboard a late-night train between London and Eastborough break down in a remote forested area and soon after, the driver disappears while assessing the damage. Despite pleas from the train security guard, Joe Griffin, the passengers insist on walking rather than waiting for rescue, only to discover they are being hunted by a pack of werewolves. Who's in it? The movie stars Elliot Cowan, Rosie Day, Calvin Dean, Sam Gittins and Sean Pertwee . Review: We had a lazy day yesterday. Well, my wife did at least- I actually did a few chores. This allowed us to find time to watch some movies throughout the day and, after getting a bit bored with the films we've seen before, I convinced her to continue our train-themed horror movie weekend with Howl . Of the three train-themed horror movies we watched, this one was arguably my favorite. I think the thing I liked best about this film was, from basically the time the train stopped onward, it was a legitimat...

Synopsis: After discovering the frozen remains of what he believes to be the missing link, Sir Alexander Saxton transports his discovery onboard the Trans-Siberian Express, drawing curiosity from his rival and fellow passenger Doctor Wells. The men soon learn Saxton's find is both not dead and able to use its glowing eyes to kill people by stealing their memories, forcing them to team up to stop it. Who's in it? The movie stars Christopher Lee , Peter Cushing , Telly Savalas , Silvia Tortosa, Alberto de Mendoza and Julio Peña. Review: My wife and I had talked about going out last night, but we (mostly her) decided it was too cold and ended up staying home and watching a movie instead. Sticking with the train-based horror theme I started the night before with Terror Train , we ended up watching Horror Express . Unfortunately, while I had relatively high hopes for this movie because of the Lee/Cushing pairing, it was a bit of a disappointment. The movie's premise wasn'...

Synopsis: Three years after reluctantly assisting in a fraternity prank that sent a pledge to a mental hospital, a graduating Alana Maxwell joins her classmates at a New Years Eve costume party held on a train. What she doesn't know is one of the guests has murderous intentions. Who's in it? The movie stars Jamie Lee Curtis , Ben Johnson, David Copperfield, Hart Bochner and Derek McKinnon. Review: My wife has an almost child-like obsession with trains, and we both love horror films so, when I came across Terror Train last night, I decided to add it to the top of my list and watch it right away. Unfortunately, while this movie seemed to have quite a bit of potential, it did fall a bit short in my opinion. The overall premise isn't a bad one. The train provided a great setting, both because it was a confined space and because it was moving, making it much more difficult for the intended victims to escape. The costume party was a nice added touch as well because it both mad...

Synopsis: In the late 1980s and early 1990s, women's professional wrestling gained new attention with the promotion Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling  (GLOW). This documentary discusses the rise and fall of that promotion through interviews with the women that were involved. Who's in it? The documentary includes interviews with Emily Dole, Dee Booher, and Angelina Altishin  Review: I was in the mood for a documentary earlier today and, even though I had seen Glow: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling before, about a decade ago, I decided to watch it again. My opinion of it was the same as it was the first time I watched it - it was well worth my time. I remember watching some episodes of GLOW when I was in junior high and high school. However, because it was aired late at night and not on a consistent day/time, it wasn't something I watched as often as I probably would have preferred. This documentary did a good job both reviving the memories of what I did see and f...

Even though I like watching television, I rarely watch a show when it first airs. This is because networks have very short leashes and I have no interest in getting invested in a series only to see a cancellation after only a few episodes. To be fair, there are plenty of series out there that probably shouldn't have even gotten to a first season but there are also just as many that were cancelled out of impatience despite plenty of shows taking more than one season to find their audience ( M*A*S*H comes to mind). Here are four I personally think should have been given more than one season. Forever (2014) I love a good mystery and this Ioan Gruffudd -led series about a doctor who, much like a video game character, respawns whenever he is killed, had plenty of them. Why couldn't he die? How old was he? Why did he always respawn near water? Throw in the fact it was also a crime drama, and you have a series that, if given more time, could have gone down a number of different road...

Synopsis : After moving to Oregon with their mother, two brothers discover a seemingly bottomless hole hidden under a trap door in the basement of their new home. Soon after, their deepest fears begin manifesting themselves and putting their lives in danger. Who's in it? Chris Massoglia, Haley Bennett , Nathan Gamble, Bruce Dern and Teri Polo star in the movie. Review: I ended up watching The Hole the other day, mostly because of a mix of boredom and not finding anything else. I vaguely remembered watching this movie in the past but not enough to know if it was a film I had enjoyed. I still don't remember my opinion from the first time I saw it but my opinion today is a good one. There were a couple things I really liked about this movie. The first was, unlike so many other horror films, there wasn't an unneeded an emphasis on blood and gore and did not throw in any gratuitous nude scenes (unless you count Bennett wearing a bikini when swimming). Instead, the movie focus...

Synopsis: When Stephanie Falkner comes to Perry Mason to discuss an offer she's been made on a casino she inherited from her murdered father, Mason's long-time client Homer Garvin, Sr., asks the attorney to also meet with the prospective buyer, both to protect Stephanie and to represent his 15 percent stake. The buyer, George Casselman, is later found murdered, Stephanie becomes the primary suspect with Garvin charged as an accessory, putting Mason in a position to defend both, something that becomes more complicated when Mason's attempt to create confusion over the murder weapon backfires and has him facing potential charges as well. Review: I wasn't able to obtain a copy of The Case of the Long-Legged Models when I first read through Erle Stanley Gardner's Perry Mason series. So, when I was able to finally get it through my local library, I made sure to have it in time for my three-day weekend. Unfortunately, while I have enjoyed most Perry Mason books, this on...

Synopsis: Bart Bromley is a 23-year-old with Asperger syndrome who lives in his mom's basement and works the night shift at a local hotel desk. To help with his social awkwardness, Bart studies hotel guests via secret cameras he has hidden in one of the rooms. When one of the cameras shows a guest being murdered, Bart tries to save her but is too late and, because he doesn't want to tell the police about the cameras, becomes a suspect in her death. He is transferred to a different hotel, where he meets and becomes obsessed with another guest, Andrea Rivera. However, he soon learns Andrea is mixed up with Nick Perretti, the same man he saw committing murder. Who's in it? The movie stars Tye Sheridan, Ana de Armas, Helen Hunt, John Leguizamo and  Johnathon Schaech . Review : I came across The Night Clerk on one of my movie channels yesterday morning and was intrigued enough to give it a try yesterday evening. The movie, as it turns out, wasn't quite what I was suspect...

There are times when I think I missed my calling and should have been involved in television. For one, I think I'd do a better job writing some of the episodes I've seen. However, I also am a person who sees missed opportunities when it comes to television series spin-offs. I've listed some in the past (you can read that here ). Here are a few more I think would have been great. Jenny - Doctor Who To be honest, I'm a little surprised Jenny (Georgia Moffett) never appeared in more than one episode of the series because the Doctor's "daughter," created using his DNA was such an intriguing character. In a way, she was a reboot of the Doctor, possessing his Time Lord powers but without the hundreds of years of experience using them. A spin-off series featuring her would have been fun to watch, even if it was just a limited series. Rachel Greene - Friends This would, of course, take place in an alternate universe where Rachel ( Jennifer Aniston ) didn't giv...

We are in the "fake spring" period of February with temperatures in the 40s and 50s. I decided to put one of my trail cameras out yesterday as a result, setting it on my patio table, facing one of my bird feeders. As has often been the case, I didn't see a whole lot of birds eating out of it. However, the neighborhood squirrels continue to be big fan. I managed to get a couple photos as a result. Here they are: __________________________________________________________________ Here are some other trail camera photos: Trail Camera Photos (11/10/2024-11/12/2024) Trail Camera Photos (10/3/2024 - 10/4/2024) Trail Camera Photos (4/7/2025-4/8/2025) Trail Camera Photos (5/22/2025-5/23/2025)

Synopsis: On Valentine's Day in 1997, Tom Hanniger forgets to vent the methane lines at his father's coal mine and causes an explosion that traps six of the miners. One of the trapped miners, Harry Warden, kills the other five to conserve oxygen and, after waking up from a 1-year-long coma, goes on a killing spree before being buried alive in one of the mineshafts. Ten years later, the long-absent Tom returns to his hometown after his father's death to sell the mine only to become a suspect when a killer dressed in a gas mask and mining attire begins a new wave of murders. Who's in it? The movie stars Jensen Ackles , Jaime King , Betsy Rue, Kerr Smith and Tom Atkins . Review: I had planned on taking my wife out for Valentine's Day last night, but it was my mom's birthday and after celebrating that, along with my wife needing to run some errands, we decided to just stay in. After a few minutes of consideration, I decided to "celebrate" by re-watching...

Synopsis: Two newly graduated private investigators, Bud Alexander and Lou Francis, are hired by boxer Tommy Nelson to clear his name after he is framed for murder by the mob. Tommy has taken an invisibility potion to help hide him from the authorities, putting Bud and Lou up against the clock as the potion slowly turns their client insane. Who's in it? The movie stars Bud Abbott , Lou Costello , Arthur Franz , Nancy Guild and Adele Jergens . Review: It's been a while since I've watched an Abbott & Costello movie and, when I came across Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man , I just had to give it a re-watch. While I still think Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein is their best pairing against a movie monster(s), this one remains a close second. As much as I love the comedy duo, their routine was arguably getting a bit repetitive and stale by the 1950s. There are, however, still some films that manage to seem fresh and this is one of those movies. The thing th...

Synopsis:  Synopsis: A TARDIS malfunction forces an emergency landing in San Francisco on December 30, 1999. While there, a newly regenerated Doctor must prevent his nemesis, the Master, from stealing his new body. Who's in it? The movie stars Paul McGann, Eric Roberts , Daphne Ashbrook, Will Sasso and Yee Jee Tso. Review: With Doctor Who in hiatus and with an uncertain future, I've been starting to get a bit of an itch for the series. As a result, I decided to take the time to rewatch Doctor Who: The Movie , a film I remember enjoying more than I was supposed to but also didn't remember a whole lot much else about. After re-watching it, I still think it is a better film than some Whovians give it credit for. McGann only plays the Doctor once, in this movie, so his sample size is limited. However, I didn't hate his performance. Was it as memorable as David Tenant or Tom Baker? No. At the same time though, I thought he carried himself well enough to provide the charac...

Reports out of Green Bay today indicate veteran coach Luke Getsy, who served as a senior assistant last season, will be serving as the Packers' quarterbacks coach next year. While I've seen some criticize this decision, I think it is a sound choice by Head Coach Matt LaFleur. Yes, there is an argument for bringing in a new and hopefully innovative voice to help Jordan Love's progression from good to great while also developing a backup quarterback to replace sure-to-be-gone Malik Willis. However, in this case, I do think familiarity isn't necessarily a bad thing. My support for Getsy as QB coach has already been documented, when Tom Clements retired last January and I advocated for Getsy as his replacement.  Getsy's time as an offensive coordinator in Chicago and Las Vegas was a failure. However, his three years prior to that, when he was serving as quarterbacks coach in Green Bay arguably couldn't have been better. To recap, in the seasons with Getsy as his coa...

Synopsis: Southlake, Texas seemed like an ideal community, especially for parents who wanted their kids in a good school district and could afford to live there. However, while Southlake's Carroll Independent School District seemed to have embraced diversity, a series of racist incidents tarnished the district's reputation and attempts to correct the problem were met with unexpected resistance. This book discusses Southlake's plight as part of a broader discussion about national opposition to school diversity programs and curriculum. Review: I always attempt to pick out at least one non-fiction book when I'm at my library and, when I came across They Came for the Schools by the library entrance a couple weeks ago, I decided to give the book a try. It proved to be an interesting and eye-opening read. I think the thing that really impressed me about this book is it was able to take a national narrative about school diversity/the resistance to it and make it easier to u...

Synopsis: A newly discovered coelacanth is delivered to a college campus for study. However, because the fish has been exposed to radiation, it has the ability to devolve anything that comes in contact with its blood. Who's in it? The film stars Arthur Franz , Joanna Moore, Nancy Walters, Phil Harvey and Troy Donahue. Review: I remember watching Monster on the Campus with my oldest daughter several years ago but the only thing I could remember about it was not thinking it was very good, even by 1950s monster movie standards. Since I have had a history of re-watching movies and enjoying them more the second time around, I decided to give it another change.  Unfortunately, my opinion about the movie remains the same. More times than not, my dislike for a movie is the result of wasted potential - a film that has a promising plot but suffers from poor acting, crappy special effects or just poor overall execution. In a lot of ways, this film is the opposite of that. The acting isn...

  I'm going to be honest with you, I'm getting old. I had no idea who Bad Bunny even was until he was named the half-time performer at the Super Bowl. As a result of that, and not caring about who won the game, I wasn't sure if I was going to watch the performance yesterday or just watch a movie instead. I chose the former and will admit, I thought it was a good performance with a great message for a heavily divided United States. I'm not going to lie - it's been 25+ years since I took Spanish in college and only got a B because I didn't rat out the professor for accidentally showing the class a Spanish language porn film. So, when Bad Bunny was performing, I didn't understand about 99 percent of what he was singing.  As it turns out though, that wasn't really necessary. The visual performance and the messages of unity on the scoreboard and the football he carried were enough to get the point across while the music was the kind of music that just made yo...

Synopsis: Fran Celane comes to attorney Perry Mason for his help with her inheritance, a sum of about $1 million left to her by her father. As a result of Fran's compulsive nature and bad temper, the money is in a trust under the control of her strict uncle, Edward Norton, and with a provision that allows him to dissolve the trust and donate the majority of the money to charity if she marries before the age of 25. When attempts to have a conversation with Norton fail, Mason agrees to represent her if she contests the will. However, when Norton is killed soon after, Mason finds himself defending both Fran and her secret husband, Robert Gleason against murder charges. Review: When I read through Erle Stanley Gardner's Perry Mason series, there were some books I wasn't able to read because of a lack of availability. This included The Case of the Sulky Girl . I was finally able to get a copy through my library this week and once I started reading it, I had a hard time putting ...

Synopsis: After once again being passed over for promotion, Major Bensen Winifred Payne is set to be discharged from the United States Marines. His commanding officer finds a way to keep him in the military by assigning him as the commanding officer of a failing JROTC program at a Virginia Preparatory School. Payne's gung-ho ways and lack of social skills immediately threaten the arrangement, along with the cadets in his unit unwilling to accept his methods.  Who's in it? The movie stars Damon Wayans, Karyn Parsons, William Hickey , Orlando Brown and Steven Martini. Review: I had some time before making dinner last night and as I was scrolling through the channels on TV, I came across Major Payne on one of my movie channels. It had been ages since I last saw this military comedy and I decided to give it a try. The movie, as it turns out, isn't as good as I remembered. However, I still didn't hate it. Look, there's a lot about this movie that, at minimum, is date...

 I stepped on the scale last night. I didn't like what I saw. It doesn't matter if I diet and exercise That number just never seems to fall. If I were on the moon, of course That number wouldn't be close to being the same. So, it's clearly not my fault. Gravity is to blame. It was 5 a.m. this morning I needed to get ready for work, but the blankets had so much weight. I somehow made it to the living room sofa Only to have my fat a** hold me down and nearly make me late. I probably could have called in sick, But I'm just not the kind of person who plays the hooky game. So, here I am starting my day Even though I had gravity to blame. _________________________________________________________________ If you liked this, check out some of my poetry books:

Believe it or not, despite my love for older movies, I really am not a big nostalgia person. If I watch reruns of a television show from my childhood, it's not because of fond memories, but because I think it is better than anything else currently on TV. And as part of that, I have more than my share of skepticism when networks or streaming services attempt to reboot and modernize one of those shows. The Muppet Show , however, was an exception. I was intrigued enough to watch it last night and impressed enough to say it needs to come back. My understanding is last night's episode of Seth Rogan 's reboot was essentially a pilot episode meant to judge viewer interest before making a decision about bring the series back. My personal opinion is that mission was accomplished. The problem with most reboots is they rely a bit too heavily on the nostalgia I was referencing. Night Court was a great example of this, bringing back characters from the original series to buoy a new ge...