Movie Review: Shiver Me Timbers (2025)

Synopsis: In 1986, Olive Oyl joins her brother Castor and their friends in rural Northern California to watch a meteor shower associated with Halley's Comet. When a meteorite strikes near an old fisherman, Popeye, it transforms him into a violent mutant, and he is soon hunting down the friends while smoking from a pipe made out of a human bone.

Who's in it? The movie stars Amy Mackie, Brendan Nelson, David Hallows, Tony Greer, Niamh Parrington and Leona Roberts.

Review: I was unimpressed with the horror movie Popeye's Revenge several days ago and as a result of that, did have a few doubts about the similar movie, Shiver Me Timbers. Ultimately, I decided to watch it with my wife tonight because I figured "it can't be any worse."

It turns out I was wrong.

OK, so where to start with this. I think I'll begin with the characters, which I felt the movie was a bit half-assed on. You are basing this movie on a recognizable character, have a main protagonist who is equally as familiar and even brought in the lesser-known Castor (Nelson) and Cylinda (Parrington) Oyl. Why the heck are the rest of the characters so generic? Instead of Wimpy, Bluto, etc., we were stuck with the horror movie staple jock, slut and drug addict(s).

I thought the movie was also inconsistent as far as the meteorites, which kept striking throughout the film and even being responsible for a death, but never really come into play as far as their mutative powers other than with Popeye (Hallows and then Greer). What was the point? I felt like there were so many opportunities to add something more to the film, a mutated Olive (Mackie) for example, that were just wasted.

This is also one of those movies that kept me asking "why do we have time for this?" The film is just 73 minutes but managed to have a dance scene and spent way too long showing one of the characters pooping. Even with that, the ending seemed like it was purposely being drawn out just to pad the time, which shouldn't have been necessary if the filmmakers would have made better use of the main villain and focused more on being a horror film instead of trying (and failing) to be a comedy.

The movie does manage to have quite a few clever Easter eggs referencing other horror films, including The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street. Unfortunately, this was a mixed bag because while I did enjoy this, it did only serve to remind me of those movies and how poorly this one was made in comparison.

Final Opinion: I didn't hate the concept, but the movie missed the mark as far as capitalizing on it. It wasn't scary, it wasn't funny, and it felt incomplete. It's not a movie I'd recommend.

My Grade: F

_________________________________________________________________________

Here are some reviews of other movies from 2025:

Movie Review: The Naked Gun (2025)

Movie Review: Until Dawn (2025)

Movie Review: Borderline (2025)

Movie Review: The Monkey (2025)