Steven Helmer Publications

Synopsis: After striking it rich and relocating to Beverly Hills, Jed Clampett ( Buddy Ebsen ) and his family get settled in their new mansion. However, their first meeting with bank secretary Jane Hathaway (Nancy Kulp) has them mistaken for the help. My Thoughts -  Did nobody tell Mr. Drysdale ( Raymond Bailey ) about the Clampetts? For a guy who wants to keep their millions in his bank, he does seem awfully clueless about them. This was clear in his somewhat abbreviated tour of their new mansion and him making no effort to explain concepts that would be foreign to a backwoods family, starting with a stove that doesn't use wood and the idea food can be frozen. The same with Miss Hathaway. Why wouldn't Mr. Drysdale give her some advanced warning about how they dressed and acted? It's almost as though he was trying to upset his largest bank depositor. Did anyone even bother to explain to the Clampetts they owned the whole house? The joke about a second house upstairs and con...

 To Lt. Jensen: I am submitting to you my final albeit abbreviated report, which is being written both under urgency and duress. Our undercover fact-finding mission has been successful but has come at a cost. Wilson is dead and with my cover blown, my status will likely be the same by the time you receive this.  Please keep me in your prayers as you read the summary of my findings below: Inauguration Day is, as expected, the execution date. The AI presidential replicas remain out of the picture until after the election and swearing in ceremony. The man standing on stage with his hand on the Bible is, in fact, human, but is replaced by his replica soon after. The President is unaware of this up until the moment they inject him with a quick and powerful sedative and make the exchange behind closed doors. From that point forward until the next president is elected, the replica handles all presidential functions and decisions. After Inauguration Day, the president is kept in a bu...

Synopsis: Los Angeles special education teacher Ralph Hinkley (William Katt) takes his class on a field trip to the desert and, after the bus inexplicably breaks down, encounters aliens who gift him a suit that gives him superpowers. He loses the instruction manual soon after, creating problems as he attempts to figure out how to use it, both to get to a custody hearing for his son on time and to stop a presidential assassination. My Thoughts -  Hinkley's special education class seems like a rip-off of the Sweathogs. I'm not saying this show borrowed some of its characters from Welcome Back, Kotter, but I did sure feel as though I was watching an episode of that 1970s series at times, complete with a discount Vinnie Barbarino. I have so many questions about that field trip. First, I was still young and don't remember much about the early 80s, but I do sort of remember field trips not being spur-of-the-moment, needing parental permission and not being as vague as "we...

Synopsis: Jed Clampett ( Buddy Ebsen ) lives in a small cabin in the Ozarks with his daughter, Elly May (Donna Douglas) and his mother-in-law, "Granny" ( Irene Ryan ) when a petroleum company offers him millions of dollars for his oil-rich property.  While Jed would prefer to stay where he is, his cousin Pearl (Bea Benaderet) convinces him to relocate to California and take her son, Jethro (Max Baer, Jr.) with him. They move into a mansion and immediately have a hard time fitting in. My Thoughts - Where did the Clampetts sleep? I get they are supposed to be impoverished but, considering Jed likely built that house himself, you would think he would have included some bedrooms. My first thought is there was a room up top, but it doesn't seem tall enough for that either. This was raunchier (for the time period) than I was expecting. Sure, the reason Elly Mae's buttons kept falling off her shirt was only implied but was still surprising.  Gilligan's Island , which ca...

Synopsis: Newlyweds Webster and Jackie Frye honeymoon in an old house in the country her father has purchased for her, not knowing the house once belonged to a recently executed prisoner. Despite being less-than thrilled with the place, Webster is willing to make it work. However, both begin to have second thoughts when a coffin supposedly containing the dead prisoner's body is delivered and their house is soon filled with a group of gangsters posing as the dead man's family and lawyer while searching for his loot. To make matters worse, the coffin contains no body, and the local chief of police forces everyone to stay in the house until it is found. Who's in it? The movie stars James Dunn , Florence Rice, Sam McDaniel, Robert Dudley and Eddy Chandler. Review: I have had The Ghost and the Guest on my watch list for a couple weeks and finally decided to give the film a try this morning. Based on the description, I had moderate expectations for this comedy and, sadly, it ...

Synopsis: After discovering a fossilized webbed hand that could prove a direct link between land and sea animals, a team of scientists travel by boat up the Amazon to see if they can find more of the skeleton, eventually anchoring in an area referred to as the Black Lagoon. In addition to discovering more of the skeleton, they find something even more impressive, a living specimen of the creature. However, the Gill-man takes an interest in the only female member of their group, putting their lives in danger as they attempt to capture it. Who's in it? The movie stars Richard Carlson , Julie Adams, Richard Denning , Antonio Mereno and Nestor Paiva . Review: It has been more than a decade since I took the time to watch Creature from the Black Lagoon and I realized two things - I remembered not liking it all that much but also couldn't remember the reason why. So, since it was too cold and cruddy outside to go for my walk at lunch, I decided to re-watch the movie instead. When it ...

Synopsis: An experiment testing the survival rate of various species in space goes wrong, causing one of the rockets, contaminated with cosmic radiation, to crash off the coast of Africa. Months later, reports of natives being attacked by a large and deadly monster, prompting scientists Quent Brady and Dan Morgan to travel to investigate. In addition to various other dangers in the region, known to natives as Green Hell, they discover they are facing giant wasps and need to kill them before they multiply. Who's in it? The movie stars Jim Davis , Robert Griffin, Joe Fluellen, Barbara Turner and  Vladimir Sokoloff. Review: I didn't know Monster from Green Hell existed until I came across the movie this morning. It sounded interesting so I gave it a try. Overall, I'd say it isn't a bad movie but also not one that really distinguishes itself either. I'll start out with the things I liked about the movie. The first was, in addition to the killer wasps, the heroes face...