Steven Helmer Publications

Synopsis: A group of college students discover a living troglodyte living in a newly discovered cave in Britain and are immediately attacked, leaving one dead. Anthropologist Dr. Brockton manages to capture the missing link and brings it back to her lab for study. However, her research is met with opposition from many of the townspeople, who view the creature as a monster. Any progress Brockton made toward dispelling that opinion is then lost when a local businessman releases Trog in the hopes it will be killed, only to have the creature go on its own killing spree before abducting a child. Who's in it? The movie stars Joan Crawford , Michael Gough, Bernard Kay, Joe Cornelius and Kim Braden. Review: My search for a monster movie resulted in me considering Trog multiple times, only to decide to watch a movie from a different genre instead. I finally decided to give it a try this morning and it turned out to pretty much confirm the doubts I had about it. To be fair, this movie wa...

Synopsis:  Lake Havasu City, Arizona's biggest tourist attraction is the re-built original London Bridge. After the final missing stone is discovered in the Thames River, the city plans a big celebration. However, the replaced stone has an unattended consequence, the return of Jack the Ripper. Unfortunately, when Jack's first victim is found, nobody wants to believe the detective in charge of the investigation, Don Gregory, when he suspects it wasn't just a random one-time murder. The movie also goes by the title Bridge Across Time. Who's in it? The movie stars David Hasselhoff , Stepfanie Kramer, Adrienne Barbeau, Paul Rossilli and Randolph Mantooth. Review: My search for a classic monster movie has entered overtime since none of the films I've come across have intrigued me enough to watch. As a result, I ended up going a different route with Terror at London Bridge , figuring a made-for-TV slasher movie starring David Hasselhoff would at least be good for a few ...

Synopsis: When Det. Francesca "Frankie" Quinn and her partner, Det. Wynton "Wyn" Rousseau discover several seemingly accidental deaths were actually murders, they learn Quinn's stepmother, Megan, is behind them and arrest her. A year later, with the scandal resulting in her father resigning as chief of police and her secret relationship with Wyn outed during the trial, Quinn now works as a private investigator and is engaged to writer Carl Wiseman, who, against Quinn's wishes, is writing a tell-all book that includes intimate details about Quinn. When Carl is murdered after a party, Quinn insists on investigating, both for her and for Carl's sister.  This leads to her and Wyn teaming up and exposing many dark secrets, including the real reason they broke up. Who's in it? The movie stars Mallory Jansen, Dylan Bruce, Teryl Rothery, Samantha Kendrick, Amy Groening and Alicia Johnston. Review: I rarely watch Hallmark movies without my wife but my pla...

I've had my trail cameras out the last few nights with surprisingly very little activity. As a result of that, I decided to change things up a bit and put one near one of my bird feeders again (I recently began filling them again) before placing one outside our window yesterday evening as well.  I ended up having quite a bit of success. Here is a selection of the many photos I got.

Synopsis: After being stood up while trying to obtain a marriage license, reporter Torchy Blane finds her fiancé, Lt. Steve McBride, investigating the murder of jeweler Milton Devereux. After forcing her way into the crime scene and discovering the hidden murder weapon, Torchy begins to suspect Lucien "Sonny" Croy, the son of a rival newspaper publisher, but has no evidence. Believing Croy is participating in an across-the-globe race so he can hide the evidence, Torchy joins the race too and is soon flying across the world to prove she's right. Who's in it? The movie stars Glenda Farrell , Barton MacLane , Tom Kennedy , Hugh O'Connell and Gordon Oliver . Review: Since I already had Fly Away Baby in my movie library, I decided to continue the Torchy Blane series and give the second installment a try. So far, this one is my favorite. While Smart Blonde and The Adventurous Blonde both were enjoyable, this film, which is bookended by those two movies, is the on...

Synopsis: After Tiny Torgeson is murdered right in front of her, reporter Torchy Blane joins her boyfriend, Det. Steve McBride, in the investigation. Torgeson, they learn, was going to buy the various businesses owned by former gangster Fitz Mularkey, who is going straight after falling in love with Marcia Friel. Fitz, angry over his friend's murder, vows to take matters into his own hands, putting Torchy and McBride in a race to find the killer before Fitz does. Who's in it? The movie stars Glenda Farrell , Barton MacLane , Charlotte Wynters, Robert Paige and Tom Kennedy. Review: I enjoyed The Adventurous Blonde a few days ago and, since that was the third movie in the Torchy Blane series, decided to watch the first one, Smart Blonde , this morning. I wasn't disappointed. At first, the murder mystery seemed a bit too easy. Torgeson (Joseph Crehan) is murdered with Chuck Cannon (Max Wagner) as the clear an obvious killer and because of that, I figured this would just b...

  The weekend was too short, Monday got here too fast. I’m returning to work full of dread, And, in the back of my mind, I keep wondering What if I join the circus instead? I know I’m too old and fat to be an acrobat But maybe I could learn to juggle or become a clown. Heck, at this point, I’d be happy just being behind the scenes. Perhaps selling cotton candy or taking the big top down. I know it’s probably not all glitz and glam. As a career, it would probably be a bit hit-or-miss. However, would it really be that much worse than hearing my office phone ring first thing on Monday morning And wondering “what fresh hell is this?” Sadly, that opportunity has likely passed. I have a family and mortgage to keep me grounded. But not long after I get to work today, I know my desire to join the circus will be well-founded. _________________________________________________________ If you liked this, here are some of my other poems: Where the F*ck is My Phone? (...

Synopsis: In 1990s Los Angeles, an obsessed fan, Paul, attempts to enter the home of pop superstar and actress Sofia Minor and ends up stabbing her bodyguard, Bell, before calling the police on himself. Six months later, just as Bell has recovered from his injuries and is about to return to work, Paul escapes and, with the help of his friends, Penny and J. H., carries out a plan that he hopes will result in Sofia marrying him. Who's in it? The movie stars Samara Weaving , Ray Nicholson , Eric Dane , Jimmie Fails and Alba Baptista. Review: My wife and I have been re-watching past episodes of Project Runway and, as a result of that, it had been a while since we last watched a movie together. We had some time this evening and, since I've liked Samara Weaving in other films, decided to give Borderline a try. I didn't know what to think of it at first, but I think it ended up being a pleasant surprise. I think the thing that really makes this movie work is Paul (Nicholson)....

It's been a couple years since we went to Circus World in Baraboo, WI so I decided to put it on the calendar and take the family before school starts up. I was a little worried it wouldn't be as entertaining without the elephants (they retired after the last show we saw) but it was still a fun event with the Big Top Show featuring everything from jugglers to trapeze artists (the latter provided a warmup show outside about an hour before). We all had favorites and left with smiles on our faces. The multi-building museum was a nice way to kill time before the shows, full of educational exhibits and fun-looking wagons and train cars. Our daughters, one a teenager and one who is now 21, went on the $1 carousel twice (easily the oldest ones on it). It was a bit pricey at $23 each (the teenager category is the same price as adult), $92 total. I do think we got our money's worth though. My only real complaint was the concession stand was a bit more expensive than I would have pref...

Synopsis: Frustrated with the way Torchy Blane always beats them to the scoop, a group of reporters conspires to embarrass her on the eve of her wedding to Det. Steve McBride by hiring actor Harvey Hammond to pretend to be murdered. Their plot goes awry when Hammond really is killed, and Blane and MacBride investigate. Who's in it? The movie stars Glenda Farrell , Barton MacLane , Anne Nagel , William Hopper and Charley Foy. Review: I was in the mood for a classic murder mystery this morning and picked The Adventurous Blonde because it looked like it might be a halfway decent comedy as well. Even though I wasn't familiar with the Torchy Blane films that preceded it, leaving me a step behind when it came to some of the characters, it ended up being a good choice. I think the thing I liked most about this film was the paring of Blane (Farrell) and McBride (MacLane). There were times when they seemed like an unlikely couple but when it came to the murder, it was clear they ma...

  Marriage isn't always just about romance. Sometimes, it's making dinner for two and paying attention to your partner's specific dietary restrictions. In my wife's case, some stomach issues have resulted in her doctor putting her on a temporary diet that excludes gluten and a fairly long list of other foods. She started that diet this week, so I did what I could to help her with this chicken skillet dinner. Full disclosure, I didn't see mushrooms in the "no" category on her list until it was too late but other than that, this was almost completely dietary compliant.  Ingredients: 1 pound of diced skinless chicken breast 1 pound gluten-free rotini rice pasta Fresh carrots, zucchini, red sweet peppers and mushrooms 2 cans of gluten-free condensed cream of chicken soup. I started out by making the pasta first, so I could strain and rinse it as per the instructions. After that, I fried the chicken and vegetables together until they were almost fully cooked be...

Synopsis: After her boyfriend murders an oil surveyor during an attempted hotel room robbery, Brenda Simmons poses as the surveyor's wife to cover up the crime and heads into the swamp with the team the dead man was supposed to meet. They come across Dr. Simon Trent, a scientist who has isolated himself in the swamp so he can conduct experiments in human de-evolution and feed his failures to the alligators. Brenda soon finds herself being used as his new test subject. Who's in it? The movie stars Jeff Alexander, Shirley McLine, John Agar , Francine York and Bill McGhee. Review: It had been some time since I watched a monster movie so when I came across Curse of the Swamp Creature , I decided to add it to my library and give it a try this morning. After seeing it, I was reminded there is a difference between being a classic monster film and just being an old monster film. There are a lot of ways I can start this so, after consideration, I think I'll begin with the overal...

The weather was uncooperative over the weekend, so I kept my trail cameras indoors. I decided to risk it last night and put one out behind the house, only to discover it was raining again not long after. However, I still managed to keep my socks dry this morning when retrieving it and captured some late-night activity not far from our bedroom window. Here are some of the photos:

Synopsis: After yet another one of his colleagues dies under mysterious circumstances, Phillip Browning, believing he is cursed, decides to return treasures taken from Egyptian King Pharatine's tomb during an excavation. Needing diggers, he hires Stanley Wright and Aloysius C. Whittaker, two layabouts who pretend to be Egyptian experts. Trouble arises not long after they reach Egypt, with both Browning and his associate, Edward Sterling, disappearing under threatening circumstances. Who's in it? The movie stars Bert Wheeler , Robert Woolsey, Barbara Pepper, Willie Best , Frank M. Thomas and Moroni Olsen. Review: I came across Mummy's Boys last night before bed and thought it looked interesting enough to add to my library. I managed to watch it this morning before it was surprisingly and abruptly removed from the movie channel I found it on. Unfortunately, while I see where the filmmakers were trying to go, I just didn't think it was that good. While I'll admit t...

Synopsis: After suffering a nervous breakdown, Brooke goes on a holiday and falls in love with Dr. Eric Ryder. They marry immediately and soon after, Brooke begins noticing a variety of odd things about her new husband - people are trying to kill him, he has peculiar eating habits and has an ex-wife and son he didn't bother to mention. Things go from bad to worse when she suspects Eric of trying to starve his son to death to collect an inheritance. Who's in it? The movie stars Andrea King, Helmut Dantine, William Prince, John Alvin and Becky Brown. Review: I wasn't sure what to expect when I added Shadow of a Woman to my library because the film's description left a lot to the imagination. I wound up watching it this morning and it turned out to be an intriguing movie. This is, at minimum, a nice cautionary tale about marrying someone you just met. It was absolutely amazing just how little Brooke (King) knew about her new husband (Dantine), including the fact he was ...

  My wife's birthday was yesterday and since she loves trains, I decided to surprise her with a trip to the Mid-Continent Railway Museum in North Freedom, WI. It wasn't the first time we've been there, but it was the first time in several years. Overall, it turned out to be a great birthday choice. Located in a region that used to have heavy railway traffic because of iron mines, the museum now owns the local rails and makes full use of them, whether it's restoring old cars and locomotives or giving train rides to museum guests. The museum admission is just $5, and you get quite a bit to look at, both outside on the train tracks and in two large warehouses. There's also quite a bit of history to be learned, both about trains and train travel and the local region. It took us about 45 minutes to walk through, though, if it weren't for it being a hot/humid day, we probably could have taken a bit longer and looked in more detail. The train rides do cost extra, $24 ...

Synopsis: Gomez and Morticia Addams are thrilled to have a new son, Pubert. However, their children, Wednesday and Pugsley, are jealous of the newborn and are constantly trying to harm him. Believing it will help, the Addams hire a nanny, Debbie. What they don't know is Debbie is a notorious black widow with her sights on Uncle Fester and his millions. When Wednesday figures out her plan and confronts Debbie, she and Pugsley are sent to a summer camp full of over privileged children and overbearing counselors. Who's in it? The movie stars Christina Ricci , Christopher Lloyd , Joan Cusack , Raul Julia , Anjelica Huston and Carol Kane . Review: I recently re-watched The Addams Family and since I enjoyed it so much, decided to watch the sequel, Addams Family Values yesterday evening while my wife was working on some projects in her crafting studio. It had been a while since I had watched this movie in its entirety and, while the original is still a classic in my book, I real...

Synopsis: Eight years after a back injury sustained during a failed mission forced him to leave the Special Forces, Mason Pettis is trying to live a quiet life as an attorney, husband and father but is left with an empty feeling that threatens to end his marriage.  Pettis is given a chance to fill that void when a friend, who owns a private security firm, offers him a freelance job protecting journalist Claire Wellington as she interviews a South American dictator, Juan Venegas. There are just two problems - Venegas is the guy Pettis and his team were supposed to kill on their failed mission and, soon after arriving, the country is thrown into chaos by a coup. Who's in it? The movie stars John Cena , Alison Brie , Juan Pablo Raba, Christian Slater and Alice Eve. Review: I decided to checkout what was on Netflix yesterday evening and since I like both John Cena and Alison Brie, decided to give Freelance a try. While not quite as good as I hoped, it was still an entertaining cho...

Synopsis: An assistant bank manager, Nate, has a genetic condition that doesn't allow him to feel pain and earned him the nickname "Novocaine" when he was a child. As a result, he has lived a sheltered life and doesn't even eat solid food out of fear of biting off his tongue.. When one of his coworkers, Sherry, encourages him to take a few more chances and then sleeps with him, Nate is in love. However, before he can speak to her the next morning, the bank is robbed and she is taken as a hostage. With the responding police officers killed/wounded and unable to pursue, Nate steals a gun and police car and tries to track Sherry down on his own. What he doesn't know is Sherry's brother is one of the robbers and she was in on the crime. Who's in it? The movie stars Jack Quaid, Amber Midthunder, Ray Nicholson , Jacob Batalon and Betty Gabriel. Review: My youngest daughter saw Novocaine  when it was out at theaters and liked the film. So, even though I had s...

Synopsis: Widowed attorney Elliott Kintner and his teenage daughter, Ridley, are invited to stay the weekend at the estate of his boss, Odell Leopold, to discuss serving as the dying Leopold's board proxy at a pharmaceutical company. While driving through a nature preserve the Canadian Rockies and distracted by both his allergies and his phone, Elliott strikes a young unicorn and later brutally puts it out of its misery with a tire iron before putting it in his car so he can secretly bury it. When the creature comes back to life and is then killed by one of Leopold's employees, the group discovers its blood, and horn can cure all sorts of ailments ranging from acne to cancer. However, when a now-healed Leopold tries to financially capitalize on this, they suddenly find themselves terrorized by the unicorn's vengeful family. Who's in it? The movie stars Paul Rudd , Jenna Ortega , Will Poultier, Téa Leoni, Anthony Carrigan and Richard E. Grant. Review: I had heard of De...

Synopsis: After her Nazi-sympathizer husband hospitalized her and took their 3-year-old daughter back to Germany shortly before the United States entered World War II, Dottie Lincoln volunteered for the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps (WAACs) so she could do her part to end the war quickly and give her a chance to be reunited with her daughter. Two years later, she is stationed in Algiers as a WAAC squad leader, dealing both with the constant threat of air raids and Army officers who don't think women belong. When one of her squad members falls from a roof and dies, the Army is quick to rule it a suicide, but Dottie and her persistence allows her to participate in the investigation. There's just one problem, her connection to a Nazi sympathizer could get her charged as a traitor before she finds the killer. Review: Our local library is going to be closed for the next few weeks as it relocates to a temporary location so renovations can be completed. As a result of this, I stoc...

Synopsis: Stefani Reyes is plagued by a recurring nightmare featuring her estranged grandmother, Iris, dying in a horrific restaurant accident in the 1960s. With her lack of sleep landing her on academic probation, Stefani returns home and, despite fierce opposition from her family, locates Iris hidden away in a fortress-like home. Iris reveals Stefani's dream is identical to a vision she had at the restaurant that led to her saving lives. However, Death has been following since, killing both the people who should have died in the accident and the offspring that should never have been born. When Iris is killed soon after, Stefani realizes she, her brother, mom, uncle and cousins are next. Who's in it? The movie stars Kaitlyn Santa Juana, Teo Briones, Rya Kihlstedt, Richard Harmon, Anna Lore and Tony Todd . Review: Our daughters are attending a community theater musical this afternoon so my wife and I, after enjoying Chinese for lunch, decided to give Final Destination: Blo...

Synopsis: Egyptologist Jack Wells is hired to join a team of archaeologists as they travel to a tomb of Egyptian King Neferu, known in Egyptian mythology as "the cursed king." While the rest of the team is there to both learn more about the tomb and figure out what happened to its now-missing discoverer, Jack's employer, Carl, wants him to locate and steal a large diamond known as the Codex Stone. Neither task is easy, both because of the dangers along their journey and the reanimated mummy of King Neferu. Who's in it? The movie stars William McNamara, Danny Glover , Andrea Monier, Michael Cortez and Eric D. Young. Review: My wife was still recovering from her mini vacation yesterday and I was recovering from mowing the lawn in hot/humid weather so, rather than trying to agree on a movie, I just picked out Day of the Mummy because it had been in my movie library for several weeks. That, and I figured "it's a mummy movie, so it can't be that bad." ...