Steven Helmer Publications

Synopsis: After once again being passed over for promotion, Major Bensen Winifred Payne is set to be discharged from the United States Marines. His commanding officer finds a way to keep him in the military by assigning him as the commanding officer of a failing JROTC program at a Virginia Preparatory School. Payne's gung-ho ways and lack of social skills immediately threaten the arrangement, along with the cadets in his unit unwilling to accept his methods.  Who's in it? The movie stars Damon Wayans, Karyn Parsons, William Hickey , Orlando Brown and Steven Martini. Review: I had some time before making dinner last night and as I was scrolling through the channels on TV, I came across Major Payne on one of my movie channels. It had been ages since I last saw this military comedy and I decided to give it a try. The movie, as it turns out, isn't as good as I remembered. However, I still didn't hate it. Look, there's a lot about this movie that, at minimum, is date...

 I stepped on the scale last night. I didn't like what I saw. It doesn't matter if I diet and exercise That number just never seems to fall. If I were on the moon, of course That number wouldn't be close to being the same. So, it's clearly not my fault. Gravity is to blame. It was 5 a.m. this morning I needed to get ready for work, but the blankets had so much weight. I somehow made it to the living room sofa Only to have my fat a** hold me down and nearly make me late. I probably could have called in sick, But I'm just not the kind of person who plays the hooky game. So, here I am starting my day Even though I had gravity to blame. _________________________________________________________________ If you liked this, check out some of my poetry books:

Believe it or not, despite my love for older movies, I really am not a big nostalgia person. If I watch reruns of a television show from my childhood, it's not because of fond memories, but because I think it is better than anything else currently on TV. And as part of that, I have more than my share of skepticism when networks or streaming services attempt to reboot and modernize one of those shows. The Muppet Show , however, was an exception. I was intrigued enough to watch it last night and impressed enough to say it needs to come back. My understanding is last night's episode of Seth Rogan 's reboot was essentially a pilot episode meant to judge viewer interest before making a decision about bring the series back. My personal opinion is that mission was accomplished. The problem with most reboots is they rely a bit too heavily on the nostalgia I was referencing. Night Court was a great example of this, bringing back characters from the original series to buoy a new ge...

Synopsis: A group of New York City bar patrons are being interviewed by a local television reporter about their political views when an enemy attacks Alaska.  As the successful invasion, aided by the use of atomic weapons, spreads to other parts of the country, the patrons find themselves facing the consequences of their apathy and opposition to the government's efforts to build its military defenses. Who's in it? The movie stars Gerald Mohr, Peggie Castle , Robert Bice , Tom Kennedy , Wade Crosby and Dan O'Herlihy . Review : I have come across Invasion, U.S.A on multiple occasions but always found an excuse not to watch it (usually because there was another movie I wanted to watch more). I finally decided to correct that this morning and, while it ended up being what I expected it to be, I was admittedly still entertained. A lot of war movies from the 1950s are basically pro-USA propaganda pitches and this film is most definitely not an exception to that. It's not-so-...

Synopsis: Still mourning her divorce from James Lacey and the way their unhappy marriage ended with him choosing a life at monastery over her, Agatha Raisin takes a vacation at the remote Robin Crusoe Island. When she returns, she is determined to get on with her life and starts by joining a Pilates class and visiting a beauty salon. She crosses paths with the soon-to-be-married Kylie at the latter and keeps her mouth shut when she thinks the young woman is making a mistake.  Soon after, a heavy rainfall causes flooding and Agatha spots Kylie's body, dressed in her wedding dress, floating on top the water. When she learns it was murder, Agatha makes it her mission to find the killer. This time, she's getting help from her new neighbor, a divorced, successful mystery writer by the name of John Armitage.   Review: I must admit, I was looking forward to reading Agatha Raisin and the Day the Floods Came , mostly because I was curious how the title character would start over foll...

Synopsis: A brilliant but underachieving teenager attempts to use his home computer to hack a software company and steal their new games. Instead, he accidentally hacks a defense computer that is in charge of all the United States’ nuclear weapons and triggers a simulation that has the potential to cause World War III. Who's in it? The movie stars Matthew Broderick, Dabney Coleman , John Wood, Ally Sheedy, Barry Corbin and Dennis Lipscomb. Review: I wasn't sure what movie I wanted to watch this morning, so to be safe, I decided to go with something familiar. That ended up being one of my all-time favorites, WarGames . Even though I've seen this film many times, it still manages to be entertaining. The thing I really like about this movie is it is really two stories. The first, and obvious, one is about the dangers of computers in the wrong hands, something that is even a bit more relevant today with so much being done online and the increase in hackers. In this particul...